Fuck my life.

So today, I weighed myself. The heaviest I have EVER been before is 178lbs. I got down to 157lbs. Now, this morning, i weighed 181LBS! ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY ONE POUNDS.

How disgusting. I thought I'd weigh 170 or something max.

I think the reason I didn't realise is because when I was 178lbs, I was a solid size 16 (US size 12), but right now I'm a size 14, sometimes even a 12, so I guess the fat must have deposited differently, the scales could be a little wrong, or whatever reason. I'm a different shape but I weight a ton more.

But, because I'm trying to keep in a positive mindset, and I know that I'm on the right track, I'm trying not to get too upset about it, because that won't help anything. Eating less and moving more WILL help. So that's what I'm doing.

Now onto goals. Now I know how much I weigh, I can set some goals. There are six weeks until the end of the summer, so I'd like to have lost a stone by then. So ideally, I'd be 167lbs. But I'll be okay with anything south of 170 I guess.

Right now, my ultimate goal weight is 140lbs, which I know is crazy high to most of you guys, but I want to still wear most of the clothes I have, I just want them to be loose and cute looking, and be a solid size 12.

That's the plan.

Here goes...

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Today, in the short term went well:

I had 870ish calories out of my 1134 limit. We had fajitas at dinner, and I pawned off half my potato wedges and one of my tortilla wraps to my family so I didn't have to eat so much. I didn't have any sour cream or cheese. And obviously Quorn instead of chicken. So yeah :) Good stuff.

In the long term though, even though for every day but one of the last 8 I've gone under my calorie limit, and most days under my fat intake limit, I'm still snacking a fair bit, like, twice a day on something sweet or chocolatey... So I feel like I really need to cut that out. and just eat meals, and occupy myself in between...

I might start weighing myself to motivate myself, but like I said, holiday breaks that up, as will moving back to Uni as I have no scales there...Hmm.

Tomorrow, sweet stuff will be integrated into my meals to sort of transition myself into the not snacking thing...

So I'm having porridge with banana and chocolate and caramel spread, and then for tea I'm going to see a children's cabaret at my Mum's school, so I'll just have a few little finger foods there, and record what I had :)

Just checking in.

It's been 7 consecutive days of tracking my calories, and staying pretty cleanly under my goal calories (1134 a day, which I know is crazy high for a lot of you, but I'm trying to do this reasonably slowly). There was one day where I slipped up by 90 calories over because my dad bought the entire family a huge mcdonalds...

Anyway, I think my neck is starting to look a little slimmer, but I just want some results of the initial bloat to show. I know I'm a long way off losing anything substantial yet, but it'll get there, as long as I keep up exercising too, which I've been doing snippets of here and there.

Also, I'm starting to get used to the weight loss routine again; how to maximise the amount you can eat for the calories you're allowed. I'm getting used to drinking loads of water to mask hunger, and just dealing with it this rest of the time.

The thing is, next weekend, I'm going to Disneyland Paris for 3 days, then into the city for 4 days, then to Center Parcs back in the UK for 8 days with family, so there'll be 3 big meals out a day, every day, with all the trimmings and all the family there badgering.

So that's scaring me shitless.

But, being the person I am and knowing I need to chill out and work out how to control the situation, I think as long as I make a list of rules and take it with me in a notebook, like 'I can have dessert once at Disneyland, I can have pastries at breakfast once at Disneyland, don't have any ice creams/snacks in the day' etc.

I might even see if I can find something that gives the nutrition information of some Disney foods to help for those 4 days. But as for Paris itself, I have no idea what to do.

Hopefully, as least for Center Parcs I'll be able to have my laptop with me and still record on MyDailyPlate and stuff...

Hmm.

Comeback #32489372

There's been a lot of false comebacks on this blog. I won't lie. So I made sure I was at least a little properly committed this time around before I left one post stating I was back on track and then went off and ate like 4 chocolate muffins.

I've been tracking my intake/output on Livestrong's MyDailyPlate for nearly a week, which is what helped me out enormously two years ago when I lost a bunch of weight. So now I'm a bit dedicated, I can come back here and try even harder, because I've been craving being back on here!

I've got so used to eating whatever I want, junk food and all that it'll be so hard, but I know I can do it!

First hurdle: Eating a 290 calorie lunch while my dad eats 2 cheese rolls and a bag of crisps right next to me :(

So...

One of the reasons I was doing well with restricting, is that my flat mate wasn't around to make junk food ridden trips to Asda with me, or order take aways, or eat out with.

I love her to pieces, but it only takes the tiniest bit of temptations to make me go mad and eat loads of junk.

She wasn't coming back to Uni til the 7th, and leaving on the 10th, which isn't bad because my other friend from home is staying in that time, and so I'd be eating sort of bad anyway, but I'd already listed what I'd be eating and when and blah blah blah.

But now there's what, four extra days to eat shit and put on ALL the water weight/bloat/fat I've just managed to initially lose.

I'm excited to see both my flatmate and my friend, but eep, this week is going to be a CHALLENGE!

Blah.

I had an exam today.

Things I want to eat/justify eating as a reward for doing my exam:

Starbucks

McDonalds

Veggie burgers

Chips

Kettle Chips

Giant bar of chocolate

Things I can eat/probably will:

3 tiny brownies

Tin of watered down Asda brand soup.

I've also had 2 slices of toast this morning...

Hmm...

I've been AWOL for SO long.

It's a familiar feeling to see a lot of you guys still consistently posting.

And while I feel a bit wrong, and dirty throwing myself back into this blog, it needs to be done. It has, is, and probably will be, the only way I can push myself into losing weight.

For the last two weeks I've been being restricting after a tirade of horrible comments from my boyfriend (ever the motivator...) and even today I can feel tight trousers being a good fit, so I know the initial weight plummet is coming into play.

The downside is, that'll be over in the next week or so, and it'll be back to fighting hard and breaking through plateau after plateau. All whilst looking at my diary and realising how many binge triggers are on my way. From planned picnics to family holidays to weeks of leaving meals with friends.

But it's all going to be successful...right?

Peace.