I'm just so upset.
And Idon't really know why.
Hmm...
I'm never sad, like ever.
I hope I'm just tired :/
And today, I was hanging out with this guy I kind of think I may like (I know I have a boyfriend, 'nother story for another day...)
And he's on like an epic dose of anti depressants.
And he was in SUCH a horrible mood.
And it just reminded me why my last relationship broke up; because I was with this lovely lovely guy who just couldn't handle his depression, and his bad days were bad bad.
And it reminded me this would be the same.
I hate knowing there's nothing I can do to help.
And I hate being able to empathise.
And I just want to cry.
Peace.
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Things I'd like to achieve in May.
- Exercise at least half an hour a day. THIS MEANS YOU FRIDAYS!
- Tidy and organise my room.
- Have some kind of social thing once a week.
- Do some form of work EVERY day.
- Be 155lbs. Kinda an out-there goal, but it's got to be.
BMI reward chart...there is no witty name for this as yet.
Height: 5'4"
Current BMI:27.11
Current Weight: 160
Goal BMI: 17
Goal Weight: Around 100lbs. 95 would be nice.
Rewards:
My rewards are probably going to all be cheap food related because I have very little money, and I like food, and I like rewards.
27 - Mac No Meat meal.
26 - Shake It Shake.
25 - Starbucks/Cafe Nero lunch.
24 - Subway.
23 - Pizza Hut with my boyfriends :)
22 Onwards will be decided close to the time...
Current BMI:27.11
Current Weight: 160
Goal BMI: 17
Goal Weight: Around 100lbs. 95 would be nice.
Rewards:
My rewards are probably going to all be cheap food related because I have very little money, and I like food, and I like rewards.
27 - Mac No Meat meal.
26 - Shake It Shake.
25 - Starbucks/Cafe Nero lunch.
24 - Subway.
23 - Pizza Hut with my boyfriends :)
22 Onwards will be decided close to the time...
Sites we likes :)
Reasons to not eat shit...or at all...
1) People will like you more.
2) You will stop having no confidence.
3) Noone will condemn you for eating chocolate or anything if you're skinny.
4) You'll finally be able to do all the things you want to do.
5) You'll make all the guys want you, and all the girls jealous.
6) Clothes will look much better.
7) You can prove you're able to do something; prove everyone else wrong.
8) You can make people proud, you have accomplished something.
9) People will take you more seriously.
10) Clothes will fit you better.
11) Your boyfriend will never want to leave you, and if he does, he'll be sorry.
12) You owe it to the 11 year old who cried and tried to sneakily do the Geri Halliwell Yoga video to lose weight.
13) And you owe it to all the trying and failing and crying and sitting alone you've ever done.
This will continue...
2) You will stop having no confidence.
3) Noone will condemn you for eating chocolate or anything if you're skinny.
4) You'll finally be able to do all the things you want to do.
5) You'll make all the guys want you, and all the girls jealous.
6) Clothes will look much better.
7) You can prove you're able to do something; prove everyone else wrong.
8) You can make people proud, you have accomplished something.
9) People will take you more seriously.
10) Clothes will fit you better.
11) Your boyfriend will never want to leave you, and if he does, he'll be sorry.
12) You owe it to the 11 year old who cried and tried to sneakily do the Geri Halliwell Yoga video to lose weight.
13) And you owe it to all the trying and failing and crying and sitting alone you've ever done.
This will continue...
Things I have learned so far:
1) Go to bed if you're hungry in the night.
2) Get up as late as possible.
3) In general, spend as much time asleep as possible, away from thoughts about food. For me, this has included on the bus.
4) Drink water whenever you even think about food. Two birds, one stone.
5) I have to eat regularly, even if it's like, 10 cals to prevent a huge-ass binge. Because I suck. But if it stops a binge, it's a-ok.
6) Make yourself as busy as possible, for me, as much overtime at work (a busy restaurant) as I can, meaning more cals burnt, more money, and less eating.
2) Get up as late as possible.
3) In general, spend as much time asleep as possible, away from thoughts about food. For me, this has included on the bus.
4) Drink water whenever you even think about food. Two birds, one stone.
5) I have to eat regularly, even if it's like, 10 cals to prevent a huge-ass binge. Because I suck. But if it stops a binge, it's a-ok.
6) Make yourself as busy as possible, for me, as much overtime at work (a busy restaurant) as I can, meaning more cals burnt, more money, and less eating.
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June
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- Hello guys.
- Messed upp yesterday.
- Whatttt is this?
- Two exams down, one to go :D
- Ahhhh, English O.o
- Dehydration headache :(
- So tired/over tired :l
- Yum :)
- Nope, didn't manage it.
- Today.
- Really struggling to revise :l
- I fucked up.
- Let's see,,,
- G'day :)
- Get in :)
- defeatist attitude :l
- Why is food SUCH a fucking bitch?
- Nummy.
- Time for some maths :)
- One exam down!
- Yumyumyum, lunch :)
- Time to work out dinner cals...
- Revision break.....
- It's lunchtime :D
- Good morning (L)
- Oh, TV thinspiration :)
- Yeah today :)
- Today WILL be good!
- Probably
- heeeeeeeeeeey.
- Cheerios and frappaccinos.
- Morning.
- I feel like shit.
- Oh, yesterday. Damndamndamn.
- big ass bowl of cereal.
- Apparently not?
- Just spent my night
- Summary of the day.
- Yum yum yum yum.
- Mehhhhhhhh.
- Yeahhh
- My laptop is quite literally falling apart.
- Fml.
- Today.
- Passing up revision to look at thinspo...
- Ew Ew Ew Ew Ew.
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