Friday, 30 April 2010

Goals and a positive attitude :)

So, I got a sec to post, so I've thought of some goals.
1) In 12.5 weeks I'm going on holiday, I'd like to weigh 9st, which is 126lbs. Which, should be alright, it's a VERY achievable goal :)
I don't know why I numbered it, that's the only goal...
I'm just trying to look forward to losing like, 35lbs :)
Or trying to :)
I got to TRY MY BEST
And stop giving up.
And do good.
And stop getting angry with myself if I do fuck up, because that's how things become self-destructive.
It's so much easier if you stay happy, and positive, and motivate yourself.
I think.
Let's go!
Peace :)

Back on Sunday.

Got a really hectic weekend ahead, so I'ma have to choose between posting or reading, and reading is significantly more helpful for me :)
So, see you guys Sunday.
Peace :)

Thursday, 29 April 2010

Think I'm fasting tomorrow.

Had an aplorable last few days, I've felt so down and just...shit...
I'm really trying to be perky.
And I think a fast tomorrow will do good.
But, the thing is, I'm going to have one bottle of alcopop :)
So, water and one alcopop fast :)
I hope.
Sorry to be a buzzkill.

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Total for the day/plan for tomorrow/surprisingly frustrated.

Today I had:
Cereal - 178
Sandwich - 297
Pasta - 200
Crisps - 95
Cereal bar - 160

Total: 930
I could have done much better, and I think that's why I feel so frustrated today :/
I just want to cry and eat, and feel guilty and hate myself and I don't know why :/
I just want this all to happen.
And it's really getting me down.
I need to do some work too, there's so much stress on this week for coursework.
And then it's shows and acting and shit
Then it's exams
Then worrying about results.
I don't know.
I'm really frightened about the future's like I need to be a grown up and there's too much pressure.
And there's pressure to be thin.
And I need to sort it all out.
I just feel like I'm not being responsible enough and taking control and I need to.
People expect too much of me, including myself.
I need to impress myself, and I know I can.
It can't be too hard, right?
Maybe along with food plans I'll make work plans, and you guys can ignore that bit?
No, maybe not.
So, food plan.

I'm busy 9.10am til about 9pm so not eating shouldn't be too hard, although, again, there's loads of food around at writing class and rehearsals are in a coffee shop :/
Maybe I'll leave all my money at home.
Blahhhhh, I need a tough love speech, or a kick in the bum or something.
Think thin guys.

Alreet day today.

So I'm on 475cals...
178 cereal
297 tuna sandwich :/

Then I've got pasta for dinner, which I'll eat a minimum of, because I don't like pasta and I have weird stabbing stomach pains :/
I have so much work to do, so I'm going to do a quick catch up with you guys, then back to writing, sadly.

Monday, 26 April 2010

Three fail days in a row.

You do not even want to KNOW how many cals I've had today.
Like 2,300 ://
I ate this bag of nuts, before I got tattooed today, to keep sugar levels up or some shit.
Yeah, 1,400cals
I hate life, sometimes I truly do.

So, tomorrow.
Cereal, 178cals
Dinner, around 500.
Rinse and repeat for the whole week.

Oh, and you know what makes it worse?
I have to go Pizza Hut Saturday for my brother's birthday.

Sunday, 25 April 2010

Feck my life.

Had like 1500cals again today ://
But I did work, so I burned a lot of calories.
It's always the weekends I ate the most.
And it's always carbs.
I need to sort the carbs out.
I did recognise and stop the binging before it got ridiculous, which was lucky though.
Time for a catch up.

Saturday, 24 April 2010

Two things.

1) I'm starting to see those tiny changes you get in the first few weeks of dieting after not dieting for so long. Just tiny things, like somehing being slightly looser. It's lovely but is does fool you into thinking it's easier to diet, when in a few weeks it'll be all about the plateaus. I can't spell today. I feel like shit. I got knocked out yesterday and I feel like I'm probably having a brain haemorrage. Oh well. I told my mum 'at least you won't have to pay my uni fees'. She agreed. I love my mum :) She's probably the funniest person I know.
2) I've decided, since I'm doing this by BMI points, I'm going to reward myself every time I go down a point. That makes for few rewards, and since I'm a poor student, that's good. I think I went down like 1.17points this week. So yeah, it's doable, I guess :)

Really good day, then really fucking bad day.

So, yesterday, I went out, didn't eat the rest of my soup, finished on about 250cals for the day.
Today, it got to 5pm, I hadn't eaten for over 24 hours, (so I know I'll be able to do a teeney fast soon :D Anyway...) so I was HUNGRY, so then I binged out at work, and then had a McDonalds. Fuck sake.
I must have had like 1500 - 2000cals today :/
I worked a 9.5 hour shift, so I burnt some calories.
But still.
Feeling kinda positive now though.
About the future :)
Breakfast - Cereal (200ish, not sure what cereal I got...)
Dinner - might finish up my soup to avoid roast potatoes because I binged out on them at work today. So, 200ish too :)
Hopefully max 400-500 tomorrow.
Now to catch up with EVERYONE :)
Damn, keeping off blogger for 36hours seems longggggggg :(

Friday, 23 April 2010

Last post for today.

My bofriend's decided to go out with all his friends, so I'm going out with mine.
Everyone's getting wasted for St George's day.
I'm taking 0.75 litres of water, and 0.75 litres of diet energy drink.
Who said I don't know how to party.
Taking no money either so won't be able to eat :)
So my intake should be lower than 440, but idk what.
Can't be bothered to work it out right now, I'm about to go out and have fun :)
Love you guys.

Yes, I can and will post 3643879263497643907 times a day.

Half Ton Hospital is so sad.
But that aside, the soup was so good.
Aha, those two sentences are pretty ironic. Yeah, it'sbad to be fat; let's enjoy soup.
But seriously, I hardly ate any because it was so hot, so I ate my bread and I'm going to have the rest for dinner, I think :)
So hopefully my total for the day will be 440 or thereabouts.
I did like, 30mins of aerobic exercise today.
It felt like nothing, which I spose it was, but then my little brother and his friends came round, and I am NOT doing that in front of them, not for all the skinny in the world.
So I'm going to go food shopping with my mum, to keep myself away from snacking, and choose healthier food for dinners, and do some walking (and get a free coffee from my mumma) :)
I would fully imagine I will post again later.
Oh, and instead of annotating Hamlet, I seem to just be scouting out new blogs.

Lunchtime :)

I'm having bread with my soup. I don't know why. I feel like I need some fibre today :/
So, 440max for lunch, but there's noway I'll eat all this soup, I'll probly keep some and have it for dinner. :)
So, whilst eating this (it's microwaving, haha) I'm going to watch an episode of half ton hospital. I've started recording it for some horrible kind of reverse thinspo. Lovely :)


I'm feeling will be a good'un :D
I only just got's nearly 1pm :/
I got on the WiiFit thing, my BMI is now 27.29, so it's gone down by like 0.44 or something like that.
And I've lost 3lbs, and that's with period weight :)
so I'm 163lbs now.
I'd like to be 159lbs by next Friday, I think it's a pretty realistic goal if I don't mess up too bad.
So although I've lost 8lbs so far, I'm not too excited because obviously weight comes off real quick at first.
But yeah, I'm feeling good.
I'm going to eat my soup kinda soon (240)
But first I'm going to do some WiiFit'ting.
It's so fun :/
And then after lunch I'm going to sit in the garden and play with my sister's rabbit and annotate my copy of Hamlet :)
Think thin.

Thursday, 22 April 2010

Plan for tomorrow.

Get up late.
Do coursework.
Eat soup for lunch (max's like .75L of this tomato soup. It looks super good.)
Then possibly some dinner.
Lots of water.
That's all for now.
I'm so tired. :/

Oh, and.

I was going to weigh in today.
I sneakily weighed myself on my friends bathroom scales, and I was the same as last time :'(
But, my period decided to happen today, so I guess I'll be heavier for the next few days, I'm always heavier throughout my period, I guess everyone is...
So if I'm good over the next few days, and I weigh in say...
Monday. Which I will, then I should be abit lighter.
Sorry about the TMI.
But I feel like shit :'(

So far.

Potato and tuna (300)
Then mumma's making some mince Quorn thing I got to eat, like 600 I think.
Hopefully nout else :)

Wednesday, 21 April 2010


I just feel fail-y.
I don't know why.
Everytime I eat I just feel like I didn't need to.
I don't knowwww...
I feel like a crazy :/
I just want this whole thing to happen.
I don't think I'll break.
I think this time is going to be the ONE time.
I'm kinda excited.
I just need to really really try.

Plan for tomorrow:
Apple (80)
Some dinner mince scone thing my mum's making, probly like 600 or something

Although, I had a really lovely conversation with my boyfriend today.
I don't meaningfully say it enough, but I really do love him.
It's going to suck moving away from him in September.

On the other hand, by September, I could be like 120lbs...
Let's hope.
Peace you guys.
I don't feel so frustrated anymore :)


Cereal - 178
2 Stuffed Peppers - 270
One Quorn chicken fillet - 185
Total: 563
Bit o mental maths there :)
My skin is so itchy today, it's so weird :/
Hopefully that will be all for today.

Tuesday, 20 April 2010


Today, I had 585 calories.
THEN 200 calories.
So, 785 cals altogether.
I shall proceed with the story.
By story, it's really an excuse
I had cereal (178)
Then I had a panini (407)
Then it was like, 3.30pm and I stopped.
Then I went to the cinema.
And my friend bought me a whole tub of sweets without me knowing. All to myself.
I ate some, then stopped.
I NEVER eat a few of something then stop.
It's always all or nothing.
But I did.
Weird :/
So I'm kinda happy about that. But not too happy about my intake. At all.
So I have resolved.
No more chocolate til holiday.
Though tbh I'll probably forget about this and eat some.
But I'll try and remember.
Plan for tomorrow...
Cereal, and dinner.
Busy from 10.45 til 6.30, although an hour of that is a rehearsal in a coffee shop :/
But yeah, I'll try.
I'ma catch up with all you guys then revise some hamlet for a test tomorrow.
Yup, priorities :/

Monday, 19 April 2010

Mini binge, and plan for tomorrow.

I had abit of a fuck up.
I ate an entire easter egg.
Like, 500 cals.
And even though I'd still be at like 1100, which for me isn't so bad, I'm still very unhappy.
But, onwards and upwards, I'm not THAT upset, I don't know why.
I feel disgustingly full for the first time in 3 days...
Why does feeling full always seem more appealing when you're hungry?
Idon't know.

Plan for tomorrow:
Cereal (178)
Some kind of Quorn, max 500
I'm going cinema so that should distract me abit :):)

Stay strong.
I'm going to be stronger now, je pense.

So, I did th Wii Fit.

BMI has gone, according to this, from 28.50 to 27.73.
I've lost 5lbs in 2 days, apparently.
Although, I got a killer stomach ache, like, real, real bad :/
I shall return with a plan for tomorrow. :)

So far, so good.

So far had 178 for breakfast.
Then 1.25L of water.
Nearlyfucked up, when my friend wanted to go get some food,but I was adament I had to catch my train. I was sososo hungry.
I hope I can keep up that kind of willpower.
The vowels on my keyboard sem to be breaking as I type, so sorry for any illiteracy.
Today is the third day, which means, nearly over th 3 day hump. Giving up or making any sacrificial changes to your lifestyle apparently get easier after the 3 day hump because that's when your body gets used to it, or something.
So, woohoo.
Got Quorn chicken stir fry for dinner. No idea how many calories, but it'll be less than 500, so I'll say 500 :)

Sunday, 18 April 2010

Plan for tomorrow...

Breakfast, cereal, 178.
Dinner, no idea, like, 500?
Got quite a busy day tomorrow, college then got to get the bus to the train station, then the train to work, then do some chemical training thing for an hour, then by the time I get home, dinner should be nearly ready, so it should be all good.
Also, today my carb intake was 6% of my RDA, which is well good. I always go overboard on carbs, so I'm happy :)
GOOD day tomorrow!

Stay strong.

I will NOT eat the brownie pudding my mum got.
Oh, for the positive...I WILL make myself a hot chocolate at 10 :)
Because it's only 35 calories.
Today I've had a total of 642cals according to Daily Plate.
So an improvement from yesterday, which is nice.
I had a banana for breakfast (60)
Then at work I had a Quorn sausage (48), but, when all the macaroni cheese and potatoes came out I busied myself cleaning and didn't eat ANY. No carb binge, woohoo :D
Then my mum came into work and bought me lunch, which I didn't want. So that was tuna salad which was (100) (Tuna salad is a huge overstatement, there's about one tuna flake on it :/)
And my boyfriend cooked me a roll, which I also didn't want, so that's (110)
Then for dinner I had Quorn (195), 3 tiny roast potatoes (70) and sweetcorn (60)
So yeah.
I'm actually having a tiny, and I mean real tiny, not even my kind of tiny, but MINISCULE piece of pudding, which is a bit of a fail, but the pressure's on and I'm scared of my mum getting stressed at me. So no hot chocolate, but a weeny bit of pudding, like (100). That's how small. 100 cals of brownie pudding. This betterbe some REAL good pudding.

Good morning girls.

Had a banana (70) for my breakfast.
Holding out til dinner.
Got a lot to keep me busy today, so I should be alrighttt :)
Think thin!

Saturday, 17 April 2010

741 cals for the day.

Not too shabby :)

I hate you, WiiFit,

I KNOW I'm 11 stone 7, Wii Fit, so don't even try telling me in 12, 3 :/
At least I have more to lose, now...
So it'll be easier.
My BMI is apparently 28.5 or something, and I have to lose 1 stone 3 for it to be 'healthy' :/
So, that's actually just 7 lbs.
Anyway, I'll play by your crappy rules, Wii Fit, and ignore numbers and do BMI.
Hopefully I'll see a big drop soon.

I'm having a cuppasoup for dinner, 35 cals, because my whole family are having pizza :/
Yay for very unfilling cuppasoup...

Plan for tomorrow...
Cereal, 178 cals.
Dinner, um, like 300 if I ask for no potatoes.
Thismay change, I shall report back.
Then it's back to college, oh Lord.

300 cals so far.

Tuna - 150
Potato - 150 :)
Not too bad.
I know I said soup, but, I thought, heavy carbs after like, 9 at night, no no.
So I switched carbs at dinner for carbs now, and I'll probably have soup later, if anything.
Or this tuna sandwich I have in the fridge.
Clearly today is a tuna day ://
So, between 350 - 650 for the day.
Not too bad.
Think thin!

Friday, 16 April 2010


I've spent the last few hours planning tomorrow.
I'm going to:
Go to work - don't eat before, and I finish at 2.
Buy a black coffee and wander round the shops for an hour or so after, look at all the size 6s and dream :)
Get train home, walk from the train station, distract myself from tediously long walk by texting anyone and everyone, just to make nice chitchat :D
Have a cuppasoup (35 I think)
About 15 mins after, have chewing gum or clean teeth.
Oh, buy some chewing gum at some point.
Do coursework all afternoon, or read blogs if I procrastinate, which I probably will.
Go on the Wii at some point between coursework.blogs, get BMI/SW/everything.
Have chips for tea, can't really get out of this one :/ (400 or so)
Have sex with the boyfriend (sorry to be blunt, but he had a little strop because we didn't do it tonight, so tomorrow it will go down...ah, punny.)

That reminds me, must have more sex = more burned off calories.
Looking forwarddddd to tomorrow :D

Quiz, I can't believe I've posted thrice in like, 10 minutes.

1. Favourite movie, and why?
Saved! I love it for the storyline and how my real life kind of parralled this at the time I got it, but now I think about it, Mandy Moore, Jena Malone and Eva...someone, are all SO SO SO beautiful, and of course tiny.
2. What do you do to avoid eating?
Nothing. I wish I could smoke but I can't afford it. I guess drink a lot of water. Seriosuly, I drink like 4 litres a day, but I still have awful skin.
3. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Niiiiiight :)
4. What is your favourite thing about yourself?
My dress sense. It ALWAYS gets commented on.
5. What is your favourite childhood memory?
I don't know...
Probably holidays or something like that.
6. What is something you are really proud of?
Um, I don't know. I need to do something to make myself proud. Like get a new job.
7. What is your dream career?
Director, or something in film.
8. If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?
Something really cool, like London, or Rouge.
9. What is your favourite food?
Chocolate. Rolls. Cheese.
10. How do you cope when you are upset?
Binge. Fml.

The fat angels are blessing me already.

With an idea:
Instead of weighing on scales, I'm going to do my BMI on the WiiFit, because, we all know it's a bit shit, so, any numbers will be kind of irrelevant, but I'll STILL know if I'm going up or down. See?
Huh, huh :D
I'm going to give myself some kind of reward for each 0.5 I go down.
There are 15 weeks til I go on holiday, and 3lbs each week would be a nice amount.
Even though I still won't be an ideal weight, I'll be a damn sight better than now.
Let's say I'm 161lbs now.
And I lose 40 lbs.
That's 121lbs.
So my BMI would be...
bang on 20, according to the NHS site.
I'd like it to eventually be about 17.
But for holiday 20 will be fine.

Right now it's 27.6 according to NHS but obvs this will be different on the Wii.
I don't know how easily it goes up or down, be fun to find out.
Not sure what the treats will be either, got no money...
Let's think it over.

Blahhh, I hate hiatus'

But I've had enough of not dieting.
So, new plan, because I've started to feel disgusted in myself again.
LOTS of cuppa soups (Ive bought 15)
Lots of salads.
Lots of water.
Might not weigh myself though, I might just use the WiiFit.
I shall return tomorrow with more things to say :)