Monday, 31 May 2010


Put some size 12 shorts on.They do up but they're so tight they look vile.
When I step forward you can see so much leg bulge.
I'm still wearing them so everytime I look down or someone gives me a sickened look, I'll be motivated.
I'm feeling good about this today :)

Sunday, 30 May 2010

Bad day but no binge.

Had a bowl of cereal for breakfast.
Then my mum bought me a tuna baguette from work and waited at work with me to eat it :/
But I avoided crisps and cakes and shit.
Although I did make my own coffee from work and forgot to do it with skimmed milk til after I'd done it :/
Then dinner I had a bunch of Quorn and salad, probably like 450cals.
So probably like 1200cals today.
This seems to be an ongoing thing.
It's kinda bad.
I should be doing like 800 at most :/
I know I can.
Going into London tomorrow for a day out, so it could turn bad.
Then Tuesday I'm at a barbecue
Wednesday I'm getting pizza in with a friend.
Thursday barbecue.
Friday I'm getting tattooed so nothing bad should happen eating wise there :/
I'm going to have to be some strong mother fucking bitch.

On the upside writing this has stopped me wanting pudding :D

Fuck my life.

I binged yesterday.
Today, I'm going to have a handful of cereal.
Then maybe ONE thing at work, like one Quorn sausage, but avoid if I can.
Then dinner.
I just keep slipping up and I have size 12 clothes I need to be wearing :/

Saturday, 29 May 2010

Oh yeah.

Yesterday I went out and spent like £200 on clothes that are small size 12s/US 8s.
So I have to lose weight.
Right now they're a little tight, but they do do up :)
So I'm going to have to try harder :)
Had a huge bowl of cereal for brekkie, then taking some crisps or something to the theatre to eat for tea.
So yeah, 500ish for today :)
Gonna drink a bunch of water and wear my 12 shorts until the last second I have to get changed into my costume, which is from the same show last year and kinda huge :/
So yeah, I'll get back to ya later

Friday, 28 May 2010

First thing I do when I get in is blog :l

Done so much walking around shopping today, then running round backstage :/
Now, I've had:
Starbucks frap.
McDonalds meal.
Some Quorn scotch eggs.
About 100 solid cals.
Plus frap.
Oh well.
At least there was no binge, it was like lunch and dinner :/

Today will be ok :)

Lots of Starbucks and Diet energy drinks.
Minimal eats :)

Thursday, 27 May 2010

Fml. Binge again.

Tomorrow will be different!
The next three days I'm doing shows and shit so I'll live off of coffee and diet energy drinks :)
Yippee :D

Wednesday, 26 May 2010


Not binging today.
I ate yesterday, chips, cheese and ketchup.
SO SO SO SO much of it.
I kept waking up in the nights with horrible stomach cramps, and now it feels like my abdomen is just filled with a sharp bloaty gas.
Ergh, sorry but it hurts.
No more binges.
I looked in the mirror the other day and thought I was finally getting there.
Now no matter how much I suck in I look awful.
Ergh, I feel sad.
But I've done it to myself :(
Back to the start, yeah :D


Good old pre planned fully aware binge.
Tonight, and tomorrow.
In a bout 24 hours get ready to have a grovelling apology post.
I do this shit to myself.

Running so late.

I could really go for a super long deep post, but I literally have 7 minutes to blog and catch up, normally I have like 20.
Yes, there is a section in my morning routine dedicated just to blogs.

I forgot to put mosturiser on my face this morning and now it's itchy :(

Eaten a HUGE bowl of cereal, because it's maybe all I'll eat today.
I hope so.
I hope I'll be too busy to eat.
Um, blah blah blah, I don't have enough water so I'll have to buy some which means walking by food.
Can do that.

Started a daily to do list.
Hopefully it helps me actually do stuff except lounging around.

Oh yeah.
I binged on 3 crackers, 3 Quorn sausages and a bit of cheese last night at like 11.30.
Why!? :/
My mum had cheese and I was like, me please?
Oh well.

And I'm all bloaty and wearing a man's shirt so I look awful :)

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

bad day.

massive breakfast and snacked with friends.
like 1500+


I feel much better today, I've done a bit of revision.
But I still feel anxious and nauseous and I'm shaking and I don't know why.
I feel like I've done a whole lot of weed, but I've never touched drugs ever.
Not even a puff :/

Anyway, feelings aside, this blog is about food and fat.
Haven't had breakfast, going to my friend's in a bit and we'll probably have some super fatty lunch, so that'll hopefully be my only meal of the day :)

Monday, 24 May 2010

Ergh, I'm like never sad :l

I don't know if I'm sad because I'm tired, or sad because I know I'm fucking up every aspect of my life.
But it doesn't feel like I care.
But, you guys, since the whole depression thing, I am NEVER sad.
Like never never ever never.
Unless I have a bust up with my boyfriend.
Although he hasn't texted me in a few days.
He's studying, but I've text him :/
Idk if I'm just being paranoid.
I just feel sick like I'm guilty of something.
But I don't know why.
I just want to cry and cut and scream.
I hope I'm just tired.
But I don't think tiredness does all this.
I just need to focus of breaking through this.
And not eating the ice cream in the freezer.
It's calling me.
There's only one more almond one left.
I can do it.
If I wait for my mumma to get it, she won't let me have it.
Come on Mumma!


Mumma made salad, which was nice :)
I had
Quiche: 150
3 Quorn sausages: 54
Quorn chicken: 32
Caesar salad: 100
Potatoes: 100
Total today, about 836.
Not too bad :D
And I'm SO SO SO full :)
But man am I stressing out about life in general.
I feel like crying, I feel sick with nerves.
I'm frightened of getting a bit of a depression/self harm relapse.
Because nothing's really wrong, I'm just starting to feel that horrible lead curtain creeping over me :/
Give me strength.

Things I need to do.

Ergh, first, I just drank 1.5litres of diet coke and I feel super sick.
Like, my intestines are splitting open.
It's horrible.
Oh well.
Things I need to do today:
Take the bags out of my room to the garage when my mum takes my sister to the livery.
Begin making my room into the Sociology Grotto.
Put all my clothes away.
Clean out my gerbils, probably.
About a billion other things I can't remember.


was going to weigh/bmi in.

but my brother has unplugged the Wii and I don't know how to make it go.
So, instead I'll do it some other time.
For lunch I'm having a jacket potato with tuna, but no veg because I was too lazy to cut it up, basically.
I tanked half a litre of water beforehand, and I have 1.5litres of diet pepsi to drink :)
Trying to feel bloated so I don't eat the two 300-calorie-each ice creams in the freezer :/
Lunch time, then catch up time, I feel.
Then I'm going to make a list of things to do.
Back soon.

Sunday, 23 May 2010

Quick pre college post :)

Not having any breakfast, so by the time I get in from college and have some kind of probably jacket potato or something, I won't have eaten for 24 hours.
My eating has been so sporadic, my metabolism is probably shot to shit :/
I look slightly slimmer, it's just my hips are so big.
Apparently it's really hard to get rid of hip fat, you have to eat like, no fats and do a load of ab shit.
Um, yeah, right, ok, thanks mumma for the genes that make me look like the michelin man :/
So, college time.

Today's actual intake...

1.5 slices of toast with jam.
Ice cream (285 cals for some fucking ice cream?)
Small portion of rice with korma sauce.
Little naan bread (131)
Not sure of my total, but I'm not too annoyed, stopped eating at like 2-ish...

Tomorrow I'll have lunch and dinner because I'm not going out or anything.
And I WILL do lots of revision :)

Dum di dum dum.

Yesterday, ate like:
One Quorn chicken burger (250ish)
One Quorn burger (250ish)
One Quorn sausage (60ish)
Copious amounts of alcohol :/
Then I was sick EVERYWHERE!

Today, I'm feeling delicate, and I've had 1.5 slices of toast with jam.
A Crunchie bar
Then I'ma have a jacket potato with beans and cheese, after my shower.
And that's it.
Day off work today, loveit :)


Friday, 21 May 2010

ate well too much.

Like huge binge too much.
Tomorrow I'm going to a bbq so nought til then :)
Got work first
Got to be super good this week because I'm going on mini shopping trip next Friday so I have to fit into a 12 consistently.
And if I don't, I'll be buying 12s anyway to make sure I can wear them on holiday.
God help me, basically.

eaten way too much fattty food.

and I'll probly have to eat more later.
9.5 weeks til holiday.


I had one glass of wine, one glass of champagne (we know how to party :p)
And some doritos and a bit of brownie.
So not great, I'm not very impressed.
I'm walking for like an hour today :) Yay.
And I have a job interview I don't even want to go to...

Thursday, 20 May 2010

One meal. 600 calories.

Tinned Spaghetti: 260
Toast: 200
Cheese: 140
Total 600.
Then some wine later, but not much.

I wish I didn't like t have cheese with EVERYTHING!
It's times like this I'm glad my mum never let me have full fat fizzy.
No kidding, the first time I had a non diet fizzy drink was when I was 15.
And I HATED it.
I HATE normal coke or pepsi SO much.
It tastes just like syrup, it's sickly.
And I was never allowed McDonalds or anything for lunch, it was always a sandwich or soup, and I wasn't allowed chocolate hardly ever.
In a way I think that contributed to the binging, but overall, I'd be SO much fatter and harder to kick these habits if she hadn't...
I love my mumma so much :)

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

I don't think I want this job tomorrow.

I don't know.
If it can guarantee me more money and more hours it'll be fine.
They're advertising for team leaders now, which I could totally do.
And I hate being a woman.
I hate having a period.
My stomach is so painful and bloated.
I put on a pair of baggy trousers today and I still have a huge bit of flab overhanging.
I'm coming home later to get my lasagne for lunch, and do some revision :)
Ergh, I just feel so terrible :/
And I can't even stay out late tonight because I have to be up early tomorrow.
Stupid life.

Oh, tempted by lasagne.

Maybe if I hadn't had like 700cals of biscuits today, I could have some.
Sadly, I've had like 900-1000cals today, and I do NOT want to make that 2000, so I won't be eating lasagne.
I might bunk Sociology tomorrow and come home and eat it for lunch, because I'm drinking after.
So tomorrow will probably be another 1000cal day, but that's not too bad.
Just enough to keep metabolism up, but not so much I hate myself.
Life feels like it's starting to come together:
I have a job interview Friday at 11 (another reason I can't get too drunk tomorrow, and I won't, I'm good at acting drunk), so a better job is hopefully starting to come together.
I've started revision and I'm not shitting myself, so school is starting to come together.
Apart from coming on my period today and being hurting and bloating, I'm starting to feel slimmer, so I feel my weight is marginally and very slowly starting to come together.
I just can't be getting complacent :)

cheerios and crunchy nut cornflakes.

I'm watching supersize v superskinny while eating a huge breakfast bowl of cheerios and dornflakes.
Probably about 250cals, but I won't eat anything else today exceptmaybe a few biscuits at writing club.
I hate college now :/
I just want to leave.
But I need to study, I actually want to study, I like studying.
I'm going to possibly be joining a gym and starting spinning and badminton :)
My friend who I went swimming with said I was slimmer than the girl he normally goes with (The girl who I wanted to look slimmer for...remember? The one who gained like 30lbs)
So yeah
Can't write too much more, got to get ready for college.

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

So, I snacked quite a bit.

But, I did an hour of non stop swimming.
Swings and roundabouts.
And I might be joining a gym.
I'm excited :)

After lunch.

Lunch didn't taste good today, like, I didn't enjoy it. Which is good, I just ate it because it's all I'll eat for the rest of the day, not because I wanted it, and not as part of a binge. That's where I mostly falter, eating something because I want to binge, and because I spend all day thinking of courses I can binge on.
I hope I'm starting to disassociate food from pleasure.
And, I can't wait to go to uni, I think I'll live off of cereal, potato with tuna, and tins of spaghetti.
And some salad so I don't get scurvy.

This is what will happen today:

I appear to have bunked off Tuesday for the third week in a row.
I'm so fucked, so what I must do, is revise extra hard at home :)
Which I'm about to.
I am going to:
Put on one of my favourite Danish Dogma films.
Phone my friends to see if we can meet abit earlier.
Do Act One of my Hamlet annotations
Have some lunch (tuna jacketand salad, if we have all the ingredients)
Carry on with my annotations til I meet my friends.
Meet friends
Go swimming
Go home
Catch up on blogs
Go to bed.
Job done :)

Monday, 17 May 2010

Kicking off the day :)

With some cereal (200)
Got no money and no time for the rest of the day, so no idea what I'm going to eat.
I have no water bottle.
So I'm going to be real hungry and real thirsty :/
Oh well.
Going swimming later O.o

For dinner, you'll never guess.

My mum made pizza.
So I ate a slice, and 4 potato wedges, and some veg.
Tomorrow, I'm going to restart my plan for the last time!
If it fails, I'm just going to stay fat forever.
I'm going to start taking some veg to college, just like, a bit of cucumber or something, so I'm eating a bit more regularly.
Yeahh :)

Whoa, I totally just stopped a binge.

This is nice.
I just ate 2 slices of pizza. BAD! Like, 500cals at least.
But then, instead of eating the other 5 slices, I stopped and was like, no, you don't want to ruin this shit for yourself for some fucking shitty tasting pizza.
And it was going to be a full on binge otherwise, I'd planned all the things I could eat it my house.
That makes me kinda happy.
So now I'm having my cereal, and then later I'll have dinner, and the binge will be voided. Yeah, I fucked up, but not too bad.
So yeah

Trying to stave off a binge.

There's a half a 20 inch pizza in the kitchen.
It looks 2D, it's so flattened now it's cold.
It tasted SO SO good yesterday, as I recall.
But no, I need to have my cereal, and that's it.
I can't lose those 35lbs by holiday now,but I need to do my best and so can't afford another binge.
Then I need to do some work.
I'll feed the pizza to my brother when he comes home from school.

Sunday, 16 May 2010

Sheepish hello.

Today is a new, non alcohol related start.
I'm such an idiot. :/
I did so bad, and now I feel all bloated and horrible.
Yet still hungry.
So today:
Nothing til I get in from college at 2.15, then I'll have a bowl of cereal.
Then dinner with my family, and leave a bit.
I'm so not with it today.
Hopefully that means it'll be a good day.
I have a ton of work to be doing too.

Oh God.

I've eaten quarter a pizza and drank a bottle of wine.
Today is SUCH a fail :/
Tomorrow nothing til I get home from college, then half a bottle of wine, no, cereal I mean, no wine.
I'm sooo drunk, this isn't even making sense.
No wine til Thursday.
I love my new friends.
Can't even read straight to catch up with you guys.


had 400 cals
so far.
cereal 200cals
snacking at work 200cals
maybe a bit more but I've burned it off.
I really feel like binging, I'm trying not to...
My friend should be coming over soon so I can stave off, I don't want him walking in to a load of dirty plates and me looking fat and sad and bloated.
PLUS there's not too long til my holiday.
So I NEED to work harder.

So I've had

200cals of cereal
Now I got 200cals left today, so it'll most likely be 200cals of Quorn chicken dippers, which are about 30 each, so I can have 6 :)
Come on good day :D:D:D

Tomorrow I'm going to do half an hour of hula hooping on the WiiFit, because my hips are disproportionately elephantine :/
I might weigh myself, well, BMI myself tomorrow, I don't know...
It depends if I feel I've got rid of yesterday's burger meal...
We shall see.
Until then,

Saturday, 15 May 2010

Hundreth post. Sadly it is not a successful one.

So yesterday was good.
I had 200cals of cereal
Then one piece of bread (100)
Then 3 Quorn sausages (171)
Sooo...471 for the day, alright :)
Sadly, today began well (200cals for cereal)
Then we went out for dinner, my family picked me up from work to take me out :/
I had burger, chips and ice cream.
So around 1500 for the day.
And considering how busy we were at work, and how much i sweated, it wasnt a complete fail.
But not according to plan.
Tomorrow will be better.
Cereal (200)
Then something Quorny.
My family are away and I'm seeing a friend, who's also a vegetarian, so that'll be nice :)

Morning girls :)

Had 200 cals ish of cereal, because I didn't weigh it.
I got 500 cals for dinner.

Friday, 14 May 2010

New Plan in Progress.

Ok, so I'm going to do this plan over 5 weeks, as there are ten weeks and 5 days til my holiday, but the last 5 days will literally be like 300cal a day max sort of preparation thing.
Day One (today) - 600max
Day Two - 800max
Day Three - 400 max
Day Four - 500 max
Day Five - 600 max
Day Six - 450 max
Day Seven - 500 max
Day Eight - 650 max
Day Nine - 450 max
Day Ten - 700 max
Day Eleven - 300 max
Day Twelve - 400 max
Day Thirteen - 550 max
Day Fourteen - Fast?
Day Fifteen - 400 cals
Day Sixteen - 750 cals
Day Eighteen - 500 cals
Day Nineteen - 650 cals
Day Twenty - 550 cals
Day Twenty one - 350cals
Day Twenty two - 450 max
Day Twenty three - 500 max
Day Twenty four - 600 max
Day Twenty five - 700 max
Day Twenty six - 500 max
Day Twenty seven - 350 max
Day Twenty eight - 400 max
Day Twenty nine - 1000 max
Day Thirty - 500 max
Day Thirty one - fast
Day Thirty two - 550 max
Day Thirty three - 450 max
Day Thirty four - 400 max
Day Thirty five - 300 max.

Some rules:
2 litres of water must be drank in a day, AT LEAST.
Vegetabls don't count, but fruits do.
All calories cannot be consumed in one sitting, unless vegetables were eaten earlier (to stop me having one huge dinner and then being all fatty and bloated)
One alcohol abusive day per cycle.
30 minutes of exercise a day.
Extra cals to be burned off with cardio.

You know, the usual.
Probably more but it's getting 'ruley'.
So today, I've had about 200, so got 400 left for dinner. :)

So far this day...

7 chips at work.
Handful of cereal.
Sweet black coffee

Not too bad, just dinner to go :)
I think I'm going to stop this skinny girl thing though, because I'm meant to have 300cals tomorrow, but I have a 6 hour shift at work then a family dinner.
So I'ma stop, but think of something else, and do some fasts and stuff, because I feel I can.
But for tomorrow I'm going to say:

Cereal (178)
Dinner (max 500)
Try not to snack at work :)
I'm going to try and have something Quorny for dinner tomorrow, but there's no so much in my house, so I don't know what...dippers or something.
But that's more than 24 hours away, so nvm :)

I'm a bit tentative about this whole not following a plan thing.
Like I'm going to lose control.
Which I probably will
I might construct one myself...
With a bit higher cals because I suck?
And bigger gaps between daily cals, so instead of 350 then 400 the next day, like, 400 then 700 the next day.
I think with one day of 1000 and the rest 800 or below...
Apparently 1200 is the optimum intake for steady weight loss.
Oh well.


I feel SO unmotivated.
I can't be bothered, and I don't want to not eat, and I'm tired andI have to go to work, and I don't want to do anything.
But no, I have no choice but to do this.
I need to lose some weight, maybe no 35lbs now, but something significant!
So I'm going to do it.
No matter what I 'want', I'm GOING to lose this weight.
So, 400cals today, day one, saving my cals for dinner, which is probably a bad idea but I'm at work, so it should be ok.
Got a 1.5 mile walk to the train station and back, because I have no phone credit to ask for a lift :(
So yeah, I'll quickly catch up with you guys then get off to work.

Thursday, 13 May 2010

I hate myself.

I ate like 3000 cals today.
I just broke.
Really bad.
I'll probably eat more.
Tomorrow I'm going back to the beginning of the Skinny Girl thing, when I did that I felt structured and confident and strong, and I want to do that again :)

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Three minutes to post...

Had an AWFUL day yesterday, was bullied until eating til I was almost physically sick.
Today I'm taking a bag of crisps and a cereal bar out with me to college (which I haven't been to for two days :/) to eat on my 5 hour break, then nothing else but lots of water :))
Apart from that, there's nothing I can say in so little time.

Oh, my life is on a downward spiral.

I'm bunking off college for the second day in a row.
With the two subjects Im going to fail :/
Oh gosh.
I suck at life.
And I'm doing it so I can go out and eat.
Like yesterday.
But I PROMISE I'll come back tomorrow and work hard again.
I want to keep having the feelings like I did yesterday when I wore that dress... :)
Today I'm wearing an unattractive grey drapey dress and I look awful
So I'm not overly happy.
Never mind.

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Let's have a nice, rare happy post.

So, I was going to wear this size 12 (US8) dress from Primark (which runs small) anyway, I just looked HUGE in it.
So, looking through my wardrobe, I found a dress that when I had my old blog this time last year, I was freaking out over because it didn't do up and then when it did all these fat rolls were hanging over and stuff. I vividly remember being distraught. It became a motivation dress for the summer, but then I completely forgot about it. Today, I tried it on and it fits, well, actually, it's kind of baggy, which is should be because it's a 14. But anyway, it's strapless too, so it shows off my new collar bones nicely :)
So even though I'm wearing a size bigger dress, I look much slimmer, and I'm HAPPY :)
I really want to rub it in this stupid girl's face.
Even though I know she won't care.
Ah, even though the weather's so horrible out, I'm wearing a flowery dress, and have filled the room with flower scented deoderant so I smell of spring :)
The only downside is I'm going to have to wear a big jacket to not die of pneumonia :)

Monday, 10 May 2010

So I didn't fast.

I worked SO hard at work, so I definitely burned off the 400/500 cals I ate.
And it wasn't too stodgy, so I got a little bloating, but I just made myself a huge black coffee to drink before bed :)
Hopefully it will have all gone down tomorrow....
but yeah, so no more eating before this thing tomorrow, and I'm wearing a cute grunge spring dress.
It'll be ok :)
Fairly happy with today, just wish I had the commitment to fast...

Sunday, 9 May 2010

Ready for about 30 hours of fasting :)

Just ate like 250cals of cereals, now time to fastttt and eat minimally tomorrow.
To a) look good at my friend's birthday thing
and b) so the Chinese on Wednesday doesn't make me hate myself.

The cake helped btw, I did...yeah :/
But I think it was more the huge black decaf coffee I had.
So next time I'll just try that first :)
So I look all flabby.
Like literally, flab over tights flabby.
But it's ok.
I CAN do this fast.
Except I lost my water bottle...
So I'm going to have to tip a bottle of Oasis down the sink and use the 1.5litre one my mum has, luckily I don't need one til Wednesday because I can drink water at work and stuff :)
So yeah, don'tthink I'll get to post later, so peace :)

mehhhhhh, so tempted to binge.

I've had a bit of carbs too, probly actually topped out at about 700 or so, but spent 6 hours running round real busy at work, and 4 hours cleaning my room...
And this is TMI, for sure, I've had one BMI since last Saturday :/
And I want to binge to sort of, push it through.
I just want like, a chocolate pudding, or a doughnut, or something.
And I'm fasting tomorrow...
Except from cereal.
I just don't want to ruin a perfectly good week, but I do want some results :(
I feel no different.
But I do need to look good on Tuesday.
And eat like, nothing at this buffet thing.
Even if the girl I dislike doesn't care, I want her to be able to care.
But I don't want to look bloated.
I don't know if that means I shouldn't binge, or I should binge and push my digestive system through a bit?
I think I'll probably have this chocolate cake thing, it's like 500cals.
So even if I do 1250, I've burned those calories off throughout the day, I mean, I'm exhausted.
Then if I fast tomorrow...
I might make a coffee...
And have this cake, in the next break.
I know I'm going to feel horribly guilty
And I know I can avoid it, but I kinda rationally feel I need it.
I don't know.

Morning lovelies.

I just had cereal, like 250cals of it, I think I need some fibre...really... :/
I feel so like, and way TMI here, but like clogged up :/
I need to do like 8397420 sit ups or something? :/
So yeah
Then Quorn and veg later, I hope.
Then cereal tomorrow before collefe (178cals)
Just to see if I can.
Yeahhhh :)

Saturday, 8 May 2010

I think

I'm going to try and fast Monday...
I'll be out of the house from 7am til 11pm, so I can do it.
If I don't take any money.
I totally think it's possible.
I don't know why I've felt so positive and done quite well this last week.
It's been nice.
No huge binges. :)
Shall report back tomorrow :)

Today was different to how I'd expected...

My day began with the train breaking down a stop before my work stop, meaning I had to kick the day off with a 3 mile walk (about 300cals) to work. Followed by 6 hours standing up because I stayed late.
Then I ate:
Spaghetti (250)
Quorn Mince (200)
Galaxy chocolate yoghurt thing (209)
So I was over by 9cals.
Not too bad, and I burned it off anyways.
I feel real full though :(
I again didn't stop after I was full, but after I was finished eating.
I need to work on that.
Tomorrow I get 650 again.
So I can have breakfast (250)
And then I'ma have my Quorn escalope thing (195)
And veg for dinner (0)
So I'll be on 445, so the extra 200cals can go towards all the overeating tidbits all week :)
Think I've done alright, I'm not too disapproving.
Got no time to weigh myself for like another week though.
I'd better get some results, or I will just binge.
And I have to be REAL controlled this week, because I'm going out for dinner like 3 times :(
But yeah,
Lets do it!

Friday, 7 May 2010

Comparably good day.

So, I didn't even go Pizza Hut, I went to some cafe thing.
I had veggie burger, made of actual vegetables, and chips :/
Chips bad, next time I won't have chips.
And also, even though I was full, I kept eating, which was bad aswell.
Real bad.
I should have left some.
Next time I will.
I think.
Or at least have a salad or something.
Although it's cheese salad, I'll think of something.
I'm gonna say 600 for the whole thing, it would be around that :)
On the upside.
I went to my boyfriend's shed-gym, burned 300cals on the bike, then 100 on the rower, then another 100 on the bike, so I covered any extra calories I had outside of my 450 allowance.
Plus I did my half hour walk to the station, so that's another half hour of, albeit light, cardio.
So I'm happy with today.
Although I haven't drank a lot of water.
Also, I got to skip a day because I started on Tuesday, instead of a Monday, so tomorrow I'll skip to 650cals :)
And my exercise will have to be 5 hours running round work, I'm afraid :)
Time to catch up, and resist the ice cream I want to eat :/

Thursday, 6 May 2010

Long exercise, then binge, then binge.

So maybe it wasn't as bad as the title made out.
But it wasn't according to the plan.
Today I did my normal half hour walk. That was fine.
Then I walked for two hours along the seafront with my friend, finding some cool new places to go to.
We found an antiques market, a tattoo studio and a 50s diner we didn't even know existed!
And we fed pigeons.
Anyway, yeah, that burned about 600cals, right.
Then I had about 600cals of Subway. Wtf.
So that got sort of cancelled out.
Then I proper snacked at my friend's, no more than 1000, but I'd say more likely about 500-600.
But 1,000 maxmaxmax.
So not 400 like I should have.
But not terrible.
So tomorrow, like I keep saying, my meal is 718roughly, for a 500 limit, so I got to burn somehow 218, hopefully at Ben's, but who knows.
Anyway, I'm going to catch up with you guys now.
I feel ok, not guilty or anything, because I know I didn't go too wild, and I don't feel stuffed and sick, and bloated, and I've done a lot of brisk walking. So it's kinda ok.
But, I've got to go for a Chinese next Wednesday. Oh dear.
God help me.
But I got to go really good over the weekend, because Tuesday I'm seeing this girl who HATES me, at a mutual friend's 18th, and she's put on like 30lbs, and we're around the same size now, whereas there used to be about 50 or so lbs between us. :)
So I got to look better than her :D

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Well, that's a motivation killer.

Weighed myself this morning, after two days of this, I've had like 600cals over 2 days, and guess what. No change.
My weight has not gone up, and not gone down.
My BMI has gone down 0.04 :(
I feel really like, sick.
I know it takes a while to work though.
So I'm not giving in.
Although, I got 450cals today, and I'm using them to incessantly snack at about 6, nothing before or after then.
There's a 99.9% chance that'll result in a binge though.
Specially as there's probably going to be cashew nuts, which are like 450cals for a few handfuls and I could, and probably will, eat the whole bag.
I don't feel hungry, I just feel really apathetic.
Maybe this little binge tonight will kick start my metabolism.
Clearly my body is not happy about being starved :/
Stupid body.
Oh well.
But, I've got the be real careful because of the 718cals of pizza I've got tomorrow, so I'm going to have to really bust my ass at my boyfriend's 'gym' tomorrow to burn off the extra 218 of tomorrow's food so it doesn't turn into a string of fatty binges.
I feel like I got this under control.
I'm not so sure.
On the upside, I might be able to get two lots of my daily half hour walk in today.
Sounds like nothing, but it's better than no exercise.
Still can't believe about my stupid non-changing BMI :'(
Oh well.

how could I forget? Plan for tomorrow...

Nothinggggg until I go to my friend's in the evening, if I go, so I might get some snackage for there?
If not, we shall see...
But yeah.
Trying to resist a binge!
My head's like, oh, but you're 106 under your target today. Eat something!
And the rest of me's like, NO!
I hate my stupid mind sometimes, I really got to do some work.

For some reason

I really want to binge.
But I won't.
I can't.
Why has this weird craving only just struck me down as I'm eating for the first time all day?
I haven't even been hungry :/

happytimes :)

Despite only getting in about ten minutes exercise today (too busy :'()
Until 12 minutes into the future, I've eaten nothing but 2 bits of gum all day :)
Which is reassuring considering how apathetic I've felt all day.
I'm not even hungry now, but I'm having 2 Quorn burgers (97 each, so 194 altogether)
And some salad.
I wasn't going to eat, and effectively fast the whole day, but then I remembered I've got to not eat til dinner tomorrow, which means I'll probably binge if I don't eat now.
So 194 calories is fine, plus I had a tiny, and I mean tiny, coffee earlier, and the fact I didn't exercise would balance out to be an alright day.
Not a fail.
Andandand, two days without a binge.
And no wish to.
Though I know I'll want to tomorrow.
But, as if that ever happens, binge free two days! :D

already a bad start.

So, my dad's giving me a lift the 1 and a bit miles to the station :(
Which is my half hour exercise
And I have back to back classes and rehearsals with one 45 minute break, so I might go for a walk then...
Depends really on how much work I have to do.
And I'm really feeling unmotivated today.
Come onnn :)

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Last post todayyyy :)

I did ten more minutes on the Wii :/
Not good enough really.
But me and Ben had some pretty hardcore sex :/
So I feel confident in saying I burned off my extra 53calories.

Tomorrow is 300cals I think.
So I'ma try to fast until dinner, then eat 300cals at dinner, because I don't have any time to exercise really outside of my standard 30 mins :(

Here's a downside:
Friday I'm going to Pizza Hut with my friends.
I looked up the calories:
Friday is a 500cal day.
Potato wedges are 190 for a half portion, which is what we get because it's on some kind of special offer and we're poor students.
Anyway, the pizza is 176 per slice, and there are 4 slices. So if I eat only 3, and leave one and say I'm full, then that's 718 altogether.
But if that's all I eat in the day, which it will be, then it's kinda ok because I'm actually going to Ben's to workout Friday :)
So I'll do at least an hour and make sure I burn all those yucky calories :)

Hopefully this Skinny Girl Diet will be getting easier by then :)
Also, I've noticed I'm one day behind on this, according to where weekends are.
I don't know whether to skip a day, and do 500 Friday then straight to 650 Saturday, or leave it...
We shall see, I think...
I might try and hunt out some Diet Coke, because I'm really craving sugar.
I was going to do some work but Imight have to call it an early night so I don't binge :/

Repetitive posting is how you lose followers.

So for dinner I have
Fish (174)
2 potato waffles (208)
I might just eat the one waffle. We'll see.
So let's say I eat one waffle.
I'll have had.
Veg (o)
Tuna (100)
Cake (175)
Fish (174)
Waffle (104)
That's...mental maths time...
Minus 100 for the exercise/tuna burning offs...
So when I go to my boyfriend's I need to burn at least 53cals.
Should be easy enough :)
I'ma drink a lot of water too.
Already had 2 litres :)

I only had one waffle
So I got to burn 53 cals :)
But I'm not going out now so I'm going to have to bust out the Wii Fit again :)
So yeah, I'ma watch The City and then do 30mins of Wii again, because that was funnn :)
Maybe it won't be all aerobic though and I'll do like 45mins?
Je ne sais pas.

Just ate cake.

I ate half a piece of 350cal 175?
Luckily I smooshed up the other half, and was about to throw it out in the garden when my mum walked in so I quickly hid it on a shelf in the dining room.
Damn :/
So I guess I'll need to do a bit more on the Wii.
Just waiting for my mum to go out to pick my sister up then I'm gonna be onnnn it. :)
I am loving the WiiFit.
Just hating eating all this food.
At least it wasn't too bad and I feel guilty and won't eat anymore.
And tbh I don't think I'm going to reap my reward on Thursday, if I hit it.
But Iwill save the reward for another time :)

I'm going off to work out in my boyfriend's gym later.
I'm not normally allowed in there because he gets all self-conscious.
Well, it's not really a gym, it's a shed with an exercise bike and a rowing machine and weights.
Good enough,
I'm hoping to do about an hour in there, so I can burn off that horrible cake :'(
At least an hour, let's say.
Peace, again.

I may never eat bread again :)

This lettuce wrap thing is GORGEOUS.
I did aerobic stuff on the Wii for half an hour, so I figure that should have covered the 100cal of tuna I've had.
I mixed it with some sweetcorn, then ripped off a bunch of lettuce leaves and sat down and watched Bear Grylls and scooped tuna mix onto the lettuce, wrapped it up and ate it :)
And because there's so many leaves, it feels like you're eating LOADS.
And, since carbs are my main problem when it comes to bingeing, I'm happy to find this substitute.
Then I can definitely hang it out til dinner, obvs.
I'm wondering if I'd be better off eating breakfast though...
But then if I don't manage to burn it off, I'd be screwed :/
Oh well.
I feel nice and full.

On the downside, I gained a pound. Unsurprisingly after yesterdays HORRID ice cream binge.
Ergh, I don't even want to think about it.
But I'm back on track now.
Burning off extra food and whatnot :)
Be back later.

First day - 400cals.

I bunked off school today because I got a lot of coursework to do, and I'm actually doing it :D
Aside from that, I haven't eaten yet, but when I've done some work, I'm going to do like a half hour of Wii Fit aerobic stuff to earn myself a tuna salad :)
I think so :D
Like that lettuce wrap I was talking about.
So that'll be somewhere between 80 and 160 cals, depending on how much tuna I use.
I walked to and from the bus stop as per today, so my standard half hour of exercise is done :D
I'll return later.

Monday, 3 May 2010

400 cals today.

Just reminding myself, really :)
Drank a pint of water for breakfast, lovely :)

I stole this diet idea from someone else :)

The 'skinny girl' diet...frommmm...

This girl, whose blog I follow, who stole it from someone else...
That's the lovely kid I took it from.
I'm going to follow it, until my holiday, so I'll get through it nearly 3 times.
Every morning I'm going to write on my hands the amount of calories I can have, so I don't forget.
Chances are I'll bollocks it up.
Oh well :)
400cals tomorrow.

This doesn't include veg.
Also, just because I suck, reward foods (the ones I get as my BMI goes down a point) won't be included, though if I do get my Mac No Meat meal Thursday, which after the ice cream binge seems unlikely, I'll probly try to fast the rest of the day.

Totally just binged on ice cream :l

Probably over 800cals of it :/
So total for the day is about 1200/1300 :'''(
I hate myself.
I even knew I'd hate myself as I did it.
With no exercise except sex :/
Oh well, plan for tomorrow:
Nothing in the morning
Cucumber if I want it when I get in, as I won't have eaten all day.
That sounds so disgusting, but I'm so close, and then it's all down from there :)
I'm actually loving doing it by BMI :)

Weighed myself.

I've lost one pound, making me what...160?
Yes, 160lbs.
Hooray, nearly breaking into the 150s :)
And my BMI is 27.18, so down 0.11, in ten days, which is bad, but it's been ten real bingey days, so that's kinda good :)
And, and TMI again here, it's not after a BM or anything, so it's actual real weight loss :)
I'm going to readjust my goal, because I want a MacNoMeat meal Thursday, so if I put that as my 27 goal, I will work harder to reach it, righttttttttt?
I think so.
So, short-term goal, Thursday, have a BMI of less than 27 :)
SO do-able.
It's like 1.5lbs away.
I should be losing like 3lbs a week, so that's about right :)
I'm also having lunch, I think.
Think after I've finished playing the WiiFit with my brother I'm going to have a tuna jacket potato (300)
Then for dinner I will forego all the carbs, like rice or chips or whatever it might be.
So I have like, one balanced meal, but spread across the day :)

Why am I constantly tormented with food!?

Seriously, as soon as I think, I can totally fast til dinner (which isn't really fasting but for arguments sake I'll say fasting), my parents are like, let's all go to lunch!
Although now my brother's eating in, so maybe it'll be alright...
So I don't know :/
I want to be strongggggggg today.
Operation 35lbs!!!!!!!
I assume I'll be back very shortly.

Sunday, 2 May 2010

Plan for tomorrow.

Fast til dinner, basically.
I was just about to have a chocolate bar of 228cals, then my dad proper laid into me about it.
So I didn't
It's so bittersweet when people shout at you for eating... :/
It's right there staring at me.
I've decided not to eat it.
And I've done good today, it's silly to waste it.
I'm currently scouring lookbook for this thinspo/clothes I want to wear by the end of the summer.
And finding more blogs to follow.
And I'm gonna golook up distractions/ana quotes online.
ANYTHING to not eat chocolate.
I've drank SO much diet pepsi I have a headache. :'(

Plan for tomorrow:
Get up late.
Do a LOT of coursework.
Maybe text Ben and tell him I love him, or something less desperate...
Avoid lunch.
Tidy room if I finish coursework.
Then have dinner.
I don't know if it's good or bad to not eat til dinner, especially when we eat quite late dinners...
I might have like, an apple of something to keep up metabolism...
I don't knowwwww
We shall see.

I know I never post pictures...

Because I'm lazy, but I'm on my jiff tonight now Ben's pissed off, and I'm avoiding food.
Waiting for dinner, then eating dinner, then eating nothing else.
Anyway, I found this picture:
And even though you can't see much of her, she basically epitomises how I want to look.
Yep :)
I might even print this picutre and stick it somewhere, on the fridge of something.
(If you're this girl and you happen to see, this, I'm not being creepy, you're just really pretty)
I'ma do two posts later, one of 'holiday city tourist thinspo' Yup.
And one plan for tomorrow.
I love you guys.
I need to love right now, because I'm scared I'ma be single shortly.
Oh well.

I really got to do some coursework...

Just had a MASSIVE bust up with my boyfriend, so where I was supposed to be going out tomorrow, I'll be able to do some work. Hooray.
On the downside, I'm slowly snaffling my brother's huge tray of Maltesers. Well, I've actually had about 5.
So it's ok, since I've eaten NOTHING else today.
Not even feeling very hungry.
Ergh, I feel so sad though, I hate arguing with Ben, it actually makes me feel physically sick with worry. :/

Repetition, repitition, repitition.

Just like last time I lost loads of weight, by loads I mean 24lbs, on my old blog, I will now be posting ALL THE FREAKING TIME!
Sorry for clogging up your news feeds.
I'm already battling and I haven't even left for work yet.

Going without breakfast.

Going to really tank up on water...
And, might have a veggie sausage at work, which is 90cals.
Depends on if I can get away with sneakily eating it at work, and also if I want to...
So yeah.
See you guys laterssssss :)

Saturday, 1 May 2010


Thought I might add a thing to the side, where I do something about what I want to acheive in May...
I will cease posting for the day now :)
Loooooooooking forward to startng something good to-mo-rrow!

Few things not really worth mentioning but I will anyway...

1) Sorry I haven't commented on anyone's blog in ages. I'm a prick for it and I know, but, I tend to read blogs and forget to comment because I open every single blog that's been updated since I last logged in at th same time and just click through them all and I know that's not an excuse and I'll comment again next time, ok thanks.
2) I'm doing a photoshoot based on Lady Gaga's destruction for a friend. I know, right :/ I love her work, she's beautiful and brilliant (both Gaga and my photographer friend can take this compliment how they like), but as if Gaga would ever weigh like 165lbs or w.e. So, more reason to L-O-S-E.
3) This 'Operation 35lbs' is including NO alcohol so I can't get drunk and be stupid. Well, maybe some alcohol, because there's a lot of birthdays coming up. But alcohol days will be liquid only days. Which also means I'll need to drink less to get drunk. Nice.
I think that's mainly it for now.
I like listing things.
I may post all my posts in list format from now on...
We shall see...

Operation 35lbs is a-go!

So, as Imentioned before, I have 12.5 weeks (12 weeks and 3 days to be precise) to lose about 35lbs...more likely aabout 40 because of what I've eaten the last few days :'(
That's around 3lbs a weeks.
It's SO doable, considering I have lost up to 8lbs a week (though I know it super slows down the longer you diet for)
Day One tomorrow.
I've even given it a secret-agent stylee name.
Plan for tomorrow.
Breakfast if I'm hungry...cereal 178
Dinner without potatoes...400ish?