Tuesday, 7 December 2010

Hahahahaha. It's not funny.

I wasted like £6 on junk food today, whyyyyyyy?
I'm going to hide it from myself.
I bought a huge bar of Galaxy; there's someone's present for Christmas.
I just had a bowl of pasta, tuna and loadsssss of sweetcorn.
Maybe 400 calories.
It scares me that I can't just reel off the calories of everything anymore.
My housemate is getting me to buy some junk food later so we can store it and just open it while Coronation Street is on this week.
I think I'll get a box of cereal and maybe some chocolate buttons so the damage of a week isn't insane as long as I only have one (or no) meals a day.

On a side note, I'm so scared to be back to doing this blog and being crazy with food, but in another way I feel so safe and warm now. Weird.

Monday, 6 December 2010

I'm scared to put this but...

Yesterday was the first day I felt like my old, overly happy, friendly self, for the first time in about 6 months.
Today was the first time in that long that I acted like my old self.
Tomorrow will be the first time in ages I start eating like my less fat self.
I just don't want to jinx it now it's written down.
Food is the one thing I can control.

Sunday, 5 December 2010


Since sort of accidentally coming back to this tonight, I just spent an hour or so going through some of your guys' recent posts.
I forgot how much I loved this community.
I also forgot how messed up and shaken I felt.
Counting calories, bingeing, starving, etc.
I can't lose focus on my education at the moment, so I'm just going to have one or two meals a day, of moderate size, because I've already planned my meals to use up all the food I have in the freezer...
But I'll be around.

Hello again.

I just realised I've just started to feel happy again, like, happy a lot of the time.
But the only thing that's missing is losing a few pounds before the holidays.
I've got a meal plan, but I don't think I'll be able to post on here much.
I only posted on here just now because I realised it's the only place I can write any of this :(

Saturday, 14 August 2010

Alrighty guys.

I'm back.
I've been to America for 3 weeks, eating a LOT, as it goes with a family holiday.
So you know, probably put a LOT of weight on :/
But yeah, I start Uni in between 3-6 weeks, depending on which one I get to go to, and grades and all that jazz, but til then, my diet will consist of fruit, veg, Quorn and liquids.
And that's it.
In 3 weeks I'm going to London for a 3 day shopping spree to spend all the money I've been saving for about 6 months, so I need all this grim food bloat to go down for sure for then :D
I'm feeling pretty motivated, largely because I'm too lazy to get up and make anything to eat....

Monday, 26 July 2010

I just had to say.

I've fucked up.
I haven't been around and I've been eating whatever I want and now I'm really fat and bloated and shit for my holiday.
BestI can do now is watch what I eat on holiday (in 1.5days) to try to not look like a beast in ALL the photos :'''(
Then after holiday, bam.
Back to one meal a day, or w.e.

Monday, 19 July 2010

Can't stay away :)

Been doing alright but not fantastic, but something's working because I look and feel slimmer...
So yeah.
Got to eat two meals tomorrow, so badtimes.
This isn't feeling like a priority but it should be :/
I only really posted so I could justify catching up on blogs without feeling like a stalker :)

Thursday, 15 July 2010


I ate 3 meals then snacks.
It's like I WANT to be skinny, and I WANT to WANT to put the effort in, but I can't actually do it.
Tomorrow is a new day.
One meal, for sure.

Wednesday, 14 July 2010


nibbled on junk food ALL DAY LONG!
Not sure what's happening tomorrow.
For the first time in my life I have other issues to think about than food, and it's making me confident about my body, which I HATE! :/
Like my A-level results, and my choice of man.
How do you see into the future to decide which guy you'll actually love? :/
I've never been in a position where two guys have liked me before.
It's weird.
I want life to be simple.
I hope this isn't an indication of life to come.
It's been pretty super up to now...

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

Not too bad.

Just had some cookie dough, like, a wee bit, a few Wotsits and a Celebration chocolate. :)
All bad stuff, but not loads of it :)

Monday, 12 July 2010


Had somewhere between 700-900cals.
In one meal.
So not awful.
Guzzled diet lemonade the whole day :)
Seeing a friend tomorrow afternoon, but won't eat til the evening I don't think...
So I'll get up late, long shower, do something productive :D
I might make a trip to Sainsburys to get snacks for the evening, so I get like a 45 minute walk in... I don't know...
Who knows, I just don't want to spend the whole day lazing around again :/

Sunday, 11 July 2010

Sorry I haven't posted in so long.

Been so busy, and really fucked up.
Time for some damage control.
One meal, 700cals max, 16 days til holiday.
Time to catch up :)

Saturday, 3 July 2010


Had a few good days, then the last 3 or so days have been AWFUL.
I looked in the mirror yesterday and just felt sick.
So back to one meal a day.
Starting today: one veggie burger after work :)
Have no time for real posting.
So Peace.

Monday, 28 June 2010

Hello guys.

Not done too great or too bad.
Not much to report back about, really.
Last exam tomorrow, going to be sososososo bad :'(
But yeah.
Still on the one meal a day shit.
Just thought I'd drop in.

Saturday, 26 June 2010

Messed upp yesterday.

Had my meal, like 900cals.
Then cake.
Then a pasty.
I did walk a lotttt, but still.
It's not cool.
The day before I did good though; walked about 6 miles in the day :D
So today, working, no food til after work at like half 7...then I'm going to have a McDonalds veggie burger :)
Then that's it.

Thursday, 24 June 2010

Whatttt is this?

I resisted a mcdonalds :D
Get in :)
Didn't revise at all today.
But don't care, because three people (one of whom was the girl who I'm no longer friends with who used to be like 50lbs lighter than me but now weighs me same (me --20lbs her +30lbs))
She had a large chicken deli meal.
I had a medium diet coke.
Feels good :D
Peace beauties.

Two exams down, one to go :D

Went alright, tbh.
I had LOADS to say, but it seems to have discipated :/
So, I'll just say, I'm going to revise 3-6, then see my boyfriend 6-9.
So I'm going to have my 'plat du jour' soon.
Feeling maybe jacket potato with beans and cheese?
I wish British keyboards had accented keys :/
But hey.
And then maybe soon ice cream, because it is HOT here, and I've just finished an exam :)
Not really too hungry though tbh.
Also, another great thing about this once a day thing, is the regular BMs.
Like, don't really want to elaborate, but I'm sure that helps a once-a-day other habit too.
Gross, but hey.

Wednesday, 23 June 2010

Ahhhh, English O.o

About to run out of laptop battery :/
So, I'll eat today at like 3.
Not sure what though :)

Dehydration headache :(

Not eaten today yet.
About to eat some chips with beans and cheese.
Naughty, but part of the once a day is a bit of indulgence.
And maybe have a scoop of ice cream laters.
Hazza :)
Exam tomorrow :(
Not ready AT ALL.
On the upside, me my sister and brother are home alone for 3 days, yay :)
That means bumming around watching football all day.

So tired/over tired :l

I have that weird amount of tired where you're not sure if you're really tired or really awake.
Yesterday I had some Malteasers and Doritos.
But I did about an hours walking in some super heat so yeah :)
Hopefully not too much damage.
This morning I'm having a really sugary tea to kind of kick start my day a bit, I hope.
Then water through the day.
Then my meal at night can be like, some Quorn and veg, or something.
I think my mum's bought me some veggie meatballs and pasta to microwave :)
She's away til Friday so my dad's in charge, which is generally bad.

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

Yum :)

Lunch time.
400cals of jacket potato and tuna.
Then probably like 150cals of rice crispy bar.
Trying to do this once a day thing because I like the indulgence :)
So yeah.
Hopefully this will be all for today :D
I'm looking up things to do with the rest of my life :/
And I'm trying to revise.
Doing alright, I think :/

Monday, 21 June 2010

Nope, didn't manage it.

Had another 300ish cals.
Total 1100 :'(
Tomorrow, will be doing a wee bit of walking, like 250cals.
But got to be up early to revise, so I won't be able to not eat breakfast or lunch.
Hmm :(
Got to be up at half nine tomorrow, so I can be ready for ten and do 6 hours revision before I go out :/
So going to fail Sociology, and English, and not get into my first choice uni.
Never failed anything before.
But I've done 6 hours revision and that's enough.
I'm not taking anything else in :/
I'm so sad.


Despite the binge at the beginning, I've pulled it back.
Had 400cals at dinner making it a total of 800 for the day.
Not good considering I did no exercise.
But not bad considering I binged this morning.
Currently trying to resist the temptations of chocolate cake, and rice crispie bars and cream in the kitchen :/
Tomorrow, I'll try to just have one meal.
Meeting my friend at some point so I'll plan around that, but Idk what time yet, so can't plan too much just yet.

Really struggling to revise :l

Had a shitty weekend full of binging.
Started binging this morning (had two chocolate bars (350total))
Managed to stop myself from having a fourth binge day.
Taking control.
Waiting for dinner before I eat again.
Won't be doing much exercise between now and the 29th, because of sitting at home revising.
Made myself an iced mocha (50ish)
Time to sit and learn 300pages of sociology in 8 days.
And fail English.

Friday, 18 June 2010

I fucked up.

All week I've been doing relatively ok.
Ok enough to get rid of the initial food weight/bloat before real weight loss.
and yesterday I would have not eaten
Then yesterday my friend made me eat 4 full stuffed tortilla wraps. Like 1500cals at LEAST.
He literally was like 'You need to be fed'.
Spent £7.50 on food.
Then wouldn't talk to me til I'd eaten as much as him.
I know his heart's in the right place, but I feel like I've just ruined everything.
Oh wait, then I came home, flipped out and had a huge piece of cake.
Not like, us huge, like, normal people huge.
I still feel sick.
So I'm going to try and not eat until this meal tonight, when I'm going to the fucking Outback, the most calorific fucking place in the world.
So I'm just going to try and eat as little as possible.
And same trick as yesterday, wearing a slightly tight dress to remind myself I'm a fatty.

Let's see,,,

If I can not eat more for the rest of the day?
Had 500cals for breakfast/lunch...
So that'll do.
Doing a bit of walking laters :)
So yeah.
Should be alright.
Also, for a bit of thinspo, I'm wearing shorts that are a wee bit tight, and give me a muffin top, which i always, always, always avoid, because I HATE muffin tops.
But yeah, obvs I've got a jacket over the top, so noone else can see.
But I can feel it :)
So yeah, all day I'll have these shorts digging in to remind me to not eat.
And so is the plan :)

G'day :)

Haven't eaten anything yet.
I'm feeling having a sort of brunch type thing :)
Might not do any revision today :O
Je ne sais pas.
Yeah, might do beans on toast or sumt at like twelve, then not eat later?
Dunnahhhhhhhhh :)

Thursday, 17 June 2010

Get in :)

Cake wasn't vegetarian :D
So probably had like 900 for the day.
No exercise though :/

defeatist attitude :l

Just cba really.
With this.
I ate all my dinner, like, 400 cals
So I've already had like 779.
And I'll probably have cake.
I'm even already convincing myself it's fine to have whatever I want Saturday.
Which of course it's not.
We'll see.
I'm trying.
I think it's because I'm due on my period.
I always get like this when I'm due on.
Fuck you, femininity.

Why is food SUCH a fucking bitch?

So I ate half my lunch (150)
Then I had a Quorn sausage roll (48)
Then I just had hald a Quorn chicken sandwich (131)
And some peanuts (50?)
So total of what...379?
On the up side it's not tuna creamy pasta shit for dinner.
It's Quorn and chips.
So if I limit myself to like 5 chips.
And the Quorn, and some veg.
That'll be like 300 cals for dinner too.
And I'm not going to promise I won't be eating birthday cake too, because I'll probably cave to it (it's ny dadda's birthday today)
So yeah...
Hopefully like no more than 1000 for the day...
Specially since I've done NO exercise :/


It's lunchtime.
I got my Quorn mince, peas and onions.
It's so delicious :D
It would bebetter be spaghetti and loads of cheese.
But also that would make me fatter.
Which is pretty counter-productive, I'd say.
So I'm going to eat all this up.
Might even be too full for dinner (Y)
Then do lots of revision :D

Wednesday, 16 June 2010

Time for some maths :)

So, I didn't do 1000 at the gym thing, there's no air con and I couldn't sweat or breathe or live, basically, so I did 600 in there, plus like a 20 minute walk before.
Plus my normal walkity-walks, that's like 900 burned today.
And an intake of 1400ish.
Wow, that sounds so shit.
So an intake-output of 500.
Meh, I need to stp making excuses and being complacent and DO something :)
Tomorrow, get up late again, je pense.
Have lunch of mince, onion, gravy powder, tomato paste and peas again, because it's YUMMY!
And say that's like 300.
NO CHEESE ON THE MINCE FATTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then I think it's tuna pasta bake for dinner :/
Which is about 600, I'd say.
So if I eat most but not all, because I won't be doing anyexercise because I'll be cooped up all day revising.
So 900 or so cals should be fine, well less because I won't eat all of either meal, because it's LOADS.
I'm so hungry :'(
I might eat something...
Je ne sais pas...
Not sure when I'm next getting to exercise either.
Not back at college til Monday.
Might jump on the WiiFit during my 15 minute breaks...
Do a few quick activites.
To try and fit some exercise it everyday :)
Yeahhhh :)

One exam down!

Two to go!!
Made a booboo, I've had 1300cals already today :/
Had 250 of cereal, then half of my coffe (150)
Then I had 900cals of Subway at lunch, out of pure excitement for finishing this fucking exam.
So yeah :D
I should be going to my boyfriends gym sometime soon, so I can burn 1000cals (400bike, 100row, 400bike,100row)
And then on average I burn 300 from walking to and from college, around town, around college etc, so yeah :)
Should be a nice even Input-Output=0 situation today :)
I hope so :D

Tuesday, 15 June 2010

Yumyumyum, lunch :)

Just had 166cals of Quorn mince, then about 130 cals of cheese/froen veg.
So I'ma round up to 300 :)
Then my friend has made cakes and popcorn and chips and stuff for later, so I'm going to try to not exceed 500cals of that:)
Now time for the last bit of revision for an exam tomorrow.

Monday, 14 June 2010

Time to work out dinner cals...

2 Quorn sausage rolls (96)
10 Quorn sausages (160)
4 pieces Quorn chicken (30)
3 baby new potatoes (100)
Piece cheese flan (100)
Caesar salad (120)
Tomato pasta (150)

Total today is like, 956 maxmaxmax.
Not so bad I guess :)
Might go to my boyfriend's shed-gym tomorrow...

Revision break.....

Tomorrow I'm off college.
Get up sort of twelve ish...
Do 2 hours revision then have some lunch.
Maybe salad again except there's no lettuce left...
Maybe actually, Quorn mince, peas and onions and tomato paste...
That's like 300cals maxmaxmax.
Then I'm going to my friend's at 6 to chill and watch some movies the night before exams kick off.
So there'll be some chips or some kind of food there.
So if I properly try to restrict myself on that I think...
That'll be 700ish max, if I try hard.

Then Wednesday, is my exam.
So I'll have a big old bowl of Cheerios (250) before I head off to college (it's a morning exam)
Then I'm going to have a big coffee (300) from Starbucks.
Then I'm going straight from college to my boyfriends pseudo-gym in his shed where I'm aiming to burn 700cals because last time I did 500.
Then I'm going home for dinner, which should be a max500 deal.
So I will have eaten like 1050max, hopefully more like 1000, but burned 700 :)

I don't have college or anything, so it'll be a full day of English and Sociology revision.
So I'm going to get up late, then have lunch...probably salad because there should be some lettuce.
Then just dinner.

No college again, but I do have dentist, and I'm going ot my mum's school to teach French for an hour.
So I'll get up at like ten, and I'm not sure what to do food wise but I'll get back to that nearer the time.
My friend's coming round to watch the Glee finale so idk about dinner either...

Saturday is the problem of the week.
We're hitting up Outback Steakhouse for a family meal.
And, I've looked, all the fucking meals are basically the same fat and calorie wise.
So I might just eat small portions of what I want, i.e chips and chicken strips (the one time every two years or w.e. I deviate from vegetarianism).
And obvs no pudding.
And no cocktails, but I'm tee-total til the 1st September anyway, so s'all good.

I think that'll work out.
I'll be back later, just chillaxing from Sociology for a bit.

It's lunchtime :D

Got home from college early so I've made myself a huge tuna layered salad with lots of lettuce, cucumber onion and tuna.
I might go get some carrot in a sec...
I forgot about carrot...
And like 1.5litres of Diet Lemonade :)
Then I've got time to watch The City, and Project Catwalk.

Then for dinner I'm really hoping it's salad because I can eat quite a lot of that buffet stuff for 500/600 cals :)
Peace :)

Sunday, 13 June 2010

Good morning (L)

Food wise will be:
Tuna salad (200)
Whatever is for dinner (500max)

I'm going to leave some of my carbs at dinner, or, if it's a buffet salad thing that my mum sometimes does, have NO boiled potatoes, and fill up on salad, and really count up my calories for other stuff...

Revision wise (because I have to do this now or I won't revise ever):
Get in at 2.15 latest.
Lunch, TV etc.
3pm - One hour of New Wave revision.
4-4.15 - Break
415-515 Sociology Revision
515-530 Break
530-630 Emotional Response Revision
630-645 Break
645-745 Sociology Revision
745-8 Break
8-9 Fight Club Revision
9 Glee Finale :D
10 Bed :)

One of the breaks to be replaced by dinner :)

Oh, TV thinspiration :)

Today alone I've watched Fat Families and Fat Hospital.
Yum :/
Tomorrow, when I get home early, I might search out and series link all these fat people programs to watch whenever I'm hungry.

Yeah today :)

I had like 1,000 cals today.
Mainly like, one meal :)
505 - panini
180 - crisps
bout 200 - cake thing.
Then half a jacket potato skin and some salad stolen from my brother's dinner :)
So around 1000 I'd say.

It feels good to have one day where I haven't fucked up.
It's made me feel stronger and ready to kick some ass before my holiday/london shopping trip :D
Tomorrow, no breakfast.
Um, tuna salad, with 200cals tuna, then a shitton of veggies, like lettuce, sweetcorn, cucumber. Maybe some onion :)
Then LOTS of revision.
Then dinner, max 500.
Max 800cals for the day...

Today WILL be good!

I'm fed the fuck up of fucking up.
I'm fed up of all fucking men being just like eachother.
I'm fed up of getting upset of shit that doesn't matter to them.
I'm fed up of people being whiny little bitches.
I'm fed up of trying to tread on eggshells.
I'm fed up of being fat.
So now, it's time to get skinny.

Soup or salad for lunch, depending on where we eat.
Then escalope and veg for dinner (195)

Friday, 11 June 2010


had like 1100 cals today.
and done NO exercise except like 45mins of sex...
My bad...
Bowl of cereal (200)
Some kind of food for my break. No idea what, I have no money...
Might make myself a sandwich or something :)
Yeahhhh :)


I wasn't feeling AT ALL determined today, but now I am, for some reason :)
I'm having 300cals of Quorn scotch eggs for lunch.
Then should be burning at least 500cals at Ben's shed-gym.
And I'm going to make some rules tostick to
Because I did SO bad yesterday, so now I'm going to put some rules in place:
No more spending your own money on food. Only eat things from the kitchen. (I spent £10 on binge food yesterday :/)
Exercise twice a week at the shed-gym.
One portion of carbs a day max.

There were some more but I've forgotten :/

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

Cheerios and frappaccinos.

Is what I'vve had today :)
Then some kind of dinner.
Hopefully not pasta or pizza.
But probably knowing my mother.
I don'tthink I'm drinking enough water.
I need to drink more.

Tuesday, 8 June 2010


Still feel kinda like shit tbh :/
But, I'm going to push through, ignore all the things which are making me sad.
Which are:
So, no eating, no texting men before they text me, and lots of revision :)
Just had a bowl of cheerios (150)
Then nothing til dinner, I think, max 500.
I have college/revision/seeing boyfriend in between :)
So should be ok :D

I feel like shit.

I'm just so upset.
And Idon't really know why.
I'm never sad, like ever.
I hope I'm just tired :/
And today, I was hanging out with this guy I kind of think I may like (I know I have a boyfriend, 'nother story for another day...)
And he's on like an epic dose of anti depressants.
And he was in SUCH a horrible mood.
And it just reminded me why my last relationship broke up; because I was with this lovely lovely guy who just couldn't handle his depression, and his bad days were bad bad.
And it reminded me this would be the same.
I hate knowing there's nothing I can do to help.
And I hate being able to empathise.
And I just want to cry.

Oh, yesterday. Damndamndamn.

So bad.
So today I'm having one meal and that's it.
Consisting of (quite badly)
Tuna salad roll.
Then that's all :)

Sunday, 6 June 2010

big ass bowl of cereal.

like 300.
then later i'll slowly chew pizza.
ok :)

Apparently not?

I'm probs getting pizza and wine with a friend tomorrow :/
So yeah.
Badtimes :/
But that means cereal still to kick up the metabolism.
Then eating slowwwwwwwly :)

Just spent my night

Perusing fashion blogs...
Cereal, cheerios. (200ish) Must remember to weigh them out :D
Lunch/dinner at like 2.30, three Linda McCartney meat free sausages (300) and some beans (200ish).
Total of 700, something like that. Depends on what's in the cupboard.
Plus I'll be left with one lonely sausage :/

Summary of the day.

302 for breakfast.
Then lunch would have been 247 for salad BUT my mumma decided to go to this sandwich and muffin place :/
So I had a tuna baguette (400)
And half a muffin (200)
Then for dinner I had my Quorn turkey and veg.
Total of?
Kinda shit tbh :/
Could have been so much better.
Oh well.
Just need to keep away from puddings tonight :)

Yum yum yum yum.

Two grilled Linda McCartney meat free sausages (202)
One piece of toast (100)
Total 302.
For breakfast.
A bit shit, but there wasn't any Quorn sausages :/
But it tastes good.
Then about another 600cals over the rest of the day :)
Je pense.
So total of like 900.
With lots of protein, not much fat, and not much carbs.
Just how it should be :)

Saturday, 5 June 2010


Trying not to binge.
I've already eaten a lot.
Probably like 1400cals.
Which considering how much work/sex I've done today isn't so bad.
But still not good.
Tomorrow, don't know what to have for breakfast :/
Might get up abit early and grill two Quorn sausages and have them in a piece of toast.
Then have a mozarella salad for lunch from work.
Like (400)?
Then have a Quorn escalope and veg for dinner.
So like 800/900 for the day?
I need to have like 3 meals a day again.
I do so much better when I do that, less binging/snacking at work...


Just had cereal, like 300cals.
Then later after work I'll have a veggie burger from McDonald's later. Probably like 400cals tops.
My eyesight's gone really weird :/
Oh dear.
And it's a really really nice day today, and I've got to go to work all afternoon :(

Friday, 4 June 2010

My laptop is quite literally falling apart.

The screen is half off :/
Hmm :(
Bowl of cereal or something when I get up.
I think it's Nesquik or Cheerios...
Then a McD's veggie burger for dinner after work.
No chips, Kthnxplz.
Total of mabes 700?


Luckily I didn't top up on sugar because later I had a Nando's meal :/
Also, about to have a massive potentially break up argument with my boyfriend.
So I need to get skinnier to make him jealous.
Yeah, I'ma bitch.
So much I want to put on here about my boyfriend but I'm scared he'll find this blog.
I don't know.


Is a tattoo day.
So I'vehad 600cals of toast, Quorn sausages and beans.
Then I'm going to have something sugary in a bit, maybe to top it out to 900/1000
Then nothing for the rest of the day again.

Got so smashed last night because I didn't eat after twelve :/
But on the upside, it took less alcohol cals to get drunk.
So win/win.


Thursday, 3 June 2010

Passing up revision to look at thinspo...

Is probably a good waste of time?
Rather be skinny than learned?
Lookbook and The Fashion Spot's Star Style will keep me going, I hope :D

Ew Ew Ew Ew Ew.

The last four days I've had way too much fun.
And way too much food.
So today:
Lunch (about 400)
No dinner :)
That's it :)

Monday, 31 May 2010


Put some size 12 shorts on.They do up but they're so tight they look vile.
When I step forward you can see so much leg bulge.
I'm still wearing them so everytime I look down or someone gives me a sickened look, I'll be motivated.
I'm feeling good about this today :)

Sunday, 30 May 2010

Bad day but no binge.

Had a bowl of cereal for breakfast.
Then my mum bought me a tuna baguette from work and waited at work with me to eat it :/
But I avoided crisps and cakes and shit.
Although I did make my own coffee from work and forgot to do it with skimmed milk til after I'd done it :/
Then dinner I had a bunch of Quorn and salad, probably like 450cals.
So probably like 1200cals today.
This seems to be an ongoing thing.
It's kinda bad.
I should be doing like 800 at most :/
I know I can.
Going into London tomorrow for a day out, so it could turn bad.
Then Tuesday I'm at a barbecue
Wednesday I'm getting pizza in with a friend.
Thursday barbecue.
Friday I'm getting tattooed so nothing bad should happen eating wise there :/
I'm going to have to be some strong mother fucking bitch.

On the upside writing this has stopped me wanting pudding :D

Fuck my life.

I binged yesterday.
Today, I'm going to have a handful of cereal.
Then maybe ONE thing at work, like one Quorn sausage, but avoid if I can.
Then dinner.
I just keep slipping up and I have size 12 clothes I need to be wearing :/

Saturday, 29 May 2010

Oh yeah.

Yesterday I went out and spent like £200 on clothes that are small size 12s/US 8s.
So I have to lose weight.
Right now they're a little tight, but they do do up :)
So I'm going to have to try harder :)
Had a huge bowl of cereal for brekkie, then taking some crisps or something to the theatre to eat for tea.
So yeah, 500ish for today :)
Gonna drink a bunch of water and wear my 12 shorts until the last second I have to get changed into my costume, which is from the same show last year and kinda huge :/
So yeah, I'll get back to ya later

Friday, 28 May 2010

First thing I do when I get in is blog :l

Done so much walking around shopping today, then running round backstage :/
Now, I've had:
Starbucks frap.
McDonalds meal.
Some Quorn scotch eggs.
About 100 solid cals.
Plus frap.
Oh well.
At least there was no binge, it was like lunch and dinner :/

Today will be ok :)

Lots of Starbucks and Diet energy drinks.
Minimal eats :)

Thursday, 27 May 2010

Fml. Binge again.

Tomorrow will be different!
The next three days I'm doing shows and shit so I'll live off of coffee and diet energy drinks :)
Yippee :D

Wednesday, 26 May 2010


Not binging today.
I ate yesterday, chips, cheese and ketchup.
SO SO SO SO much of it.
I kept waking up in the nights with horrible stomach cramps, and now it feels like my abdomen is just filled with a sharp bloaty gas.
Ergh, sorry but it hurts.
No more binges.
I looked in the mirror the other day and thought I was finally getting there.
Now no matter how much I suck in I look awful.
Ergh, I feel sad.
But I've done it to myself :(
Back to the start, yeah :D


Good old pre planned fully aware binge.
Tonight, and tomorrow.
In a bout 24 hours get ready to have a grovelling apology post.
I do this shit to myself.

Running so late.

I could really go for a super long deep post, but I literally have 7 minutes to blog and catch up, normally I have like 20.
Yes, there is a section in my morning routine dedicated just to blogs.

I forgot to put mosturiser on my face this morning and now it's itchy :(

Eaten a HUGE bowl of cereal, because it's maybe all I'll eat today.
I hope so.
I hope I'll be too busy to eat.
Um, blah blah blah, I don't have enough water so I'll have to buy some which means walking by food.
Can do that.

Started a daily to do list.
Hopefully it helps me actually do stuff except lounging around.

Oh yeah.
I binged on 3 crackers, 3 Quorn sausages and a bit of cheese last night at like 11.30.
Why!? :/
My mum had cheese and I was like, me please?
Oh well.

And I'm all bloaty and wearing a man's shirt so I look awful :)

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

bad day.

massive breakfast and snacked with friends.
like 1500+


I feel much better today, I've done a bit of revision.
But I still feel anxious and nauseous and I'm shaking and I don't know why.
I feel like I've done a whole lot of weed, but I've never touched drugs ever.
Not even a puff :/

Anyway, feelings aside, this blog is about food and fat.
Haven't had breakfast, going to my friend's in a bit and we'll probably have some super fatty lunch, so that'll hopefully be my only meal of the day :)

Monday, 24 May 2010

Ergh, I'm like never sad :l

I don't know if I'm sad because I'm tired, or sad because I know I'm fucking up every aspect of my life.
But it doesn't feel like I care.
But, you guys, since the whole depression thing, I am NEVER sad.
Like never never ever never.
Unless I have a bust up with my boyfriend.
Although he hasn't texted me in a few days.
He's studying, but I've text him :/
Idk if I'm just being paranoid.
I just feel sick like I'm guilty of something.
But I don't know why.
I just want to cry and cut and scream.
I hope I'm just tired.
But I don't think tiredness does all this.
I just need to focus of breaking through this.
And not eating the ice cream in the freezer.
It's calling me.
There's only one more almond one left.
I can do it.
If I wait for my mumma to get it, she won't let me have it.
Come on Mumma!


Mumma made salad, which was nice :)
I had
Quiche: 150
3 Quorn sausages: 54
Quorn chicken: 32
Caesar salad: 100
Potatoes: 100
Total today, about 836.
Not too bad :D
And I'm SO SO SO full :)
But man am I stressing out about life in general.
I feel like crying, I feel sick with nerves.
I'm frightened of getting a bit of a depression/self harm relapse.
Because nothing's really wrong, I'm just starting to feel that horrible lead curtain creeping over me :/
Give me strength.

Things I need to do.

Ergh, first, I just drank 1.5litres of diet coke and I feel super sick.
Like, my intestines are splitting open.
It's horrible.
Oh well.
Things I need to do today:
Take the bags out of my room to the garage when my mum takes my sister to the livery.
Begin making my room into the Sociology Grotto.
Put all my clothes away.
Clean out my gerbils, probably.
About a billion other things I can't remember.


was going to weigh/bmi in.

but my brother has unplugged the Wii and I don't know how to make it go.
So, instead I'll do it some other time.
For lunch I'm having a jacket potato with tuna, but no veg because I was too lazy to cut it up, basically.
I tanked half a litre of water beforehand, and I have 1.5litres of diet pepsi to drink :)
Trying to feel bloated so I don't eat the two 300-calorie-each ice creams in the freezer :/
Lunch time, then catch up time, I feel.
Then I'm going to make a list of things to do.
Back soon.

Sunday, 23 May 2010

Quick pre college post :)

Not having any breakfast, so by the time I get in from college and have some kind of probably jacket potato or something, I won't have eaten for 24 hours.
My eating has been so sporadic, my metabolism is probably shot to shit :/
I look slightly slimmer, it's just my hips are so big.
Apparently it's really hard to get rid of hip fat, you have to eat like, no fats and do a load of ab shit.
Um, yeah, right, ok, thanks mumma for the genes that make me look like the michelin man :/
So, college time.

Today's actual intake...

1.5 slices of toast with jam.
Ice cream (285 cals for some fucking ice cream?)
Small portion of rice with korma sauce.
Little naan bread (131)
Not sure of my total, but I'm not too annoyed, stopped eating at like 2-ish...

Tomorrow I'll have lunch and dinner because I'm not going out or anything.
And I WILL do lots of revision :)

Dum di dum dum.

Yesterday, ate like:
One Quorn chicken burger (250ish)
One Quorn burger (250ish)
One Quorn sausage (60ish)
Copious amounts of alcohol :/
Then I was sick EVERYWHERE!

Today, I'm feeling delicate, and I've had 1.5 slices of toast with jam.
A Crunchie bar
Then I'ma have a jacket potato with beans and cheese, after my shower.
And that's it.
Day off work today, loveit :)


Friday, 21 May 2010

ate well too much.

Like huge binge too much.
Tomorrow I'm going to a bbq so nought til then :)
Got work first
Got to be super good this week because I'm going on mini shopping trip next Friday so I have to fit into a 12 consistently.
And if I don't, I'll be buying 12s anyway to make sure I can wear them on holiday.
God help me, basically.

eaten way too much fattty food.

and I'll probly have to eat more later.
9.5 weeks til holiday.


I had one glass of wine, one glass of champagne (we know how to party :p)
And some doritos and a bit of brownie.
So not great, I'm not very impressed.
I'm walking for like an hour today :) Yay.
And I have a job interview I don't even want to go to...

Thursday, 20 May 2010

One meal. 600 calories.

Tinned Spaghetti: 260
Toast: 200
Cheese: 140
Total 600.
Then some wine later, but not much.

I wish I didn't like t have cheese with EVERYTHING!
It's times like this I'm glad my mum never let me have full fat fizzy.
No kidding, the first time I had a non diet fizzy drink was when I was 15.
And I HATED it.
I HATE normal coke or pepsi SO much.
It tastes just like syrup, it's sickly.
And I was never allowed McDonalds or anything for lunch, it was always a sandwich or soup, and I wasn't allowed chocolate hardly ever.
In a way I think that contributed to the binging, but overall, I'd be SO much fatter and harder to kick these habits if she hadn't...
I love my mumma so much :)

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

I don't think I want this job tomorrow.

I don't know.
If it can guarantee me more money and more hours it'll be fine.
They're advertising for team leaders now, which I could totally do.
And I hate being a woman.
I hate having a period.
My stomach is so painful and bloated.
I put on a pair of baggy trousers today and I still have a huge bit of flab overhanging.
I'm coming home later to get my lasagne for lunch, and do some revision :)
Ergh, I just feel so terrible :/
And I can't even stay out late tonight because I have to be up early tomorrow.
Stupid life.

Oh, tempted by lasagne.

Maybe if I hadn't had like 700cals of biscuits today, I could have some.
Sadly, I've had like 900-1000cals today, and I do NOT want to make that 2000, so I won't be eating lasagne.
I might bunk Sociology tomorrow and come home and eat it for lunch, because I'm drinking after.
So tomorrow will probably be another 1000cal day, but that's not too bad.
Just enough to keep metabolism up, but not so much I hate myself.
Life feels like it's starting to come together:
I have a job interview Friday at 11 (another reason I can't get too drunk tomorrow, and I won't, I'm good at acting drunk), so a better job is hopefully starting to come together.
I've started revision and I'm not shitting myself, so school is starting to come together.
Apart from coming on my period today and being hurting and bloating, I'm starting to feel slimmer, so I feel my weight is marginally and very slowly starting to come together.
I just can't be getting complacent :)

cheerios and crunchy nut cornflakes.

I'm watching supersize v superskinny while eating a huge breakfast bowl of cheerios and dornflakes.
Probably about 250cals, but I won't eat anything else today exceptmaybe a few biscuits at writing club.
I hate college now :/
I just want to leave.
But I need to study, I actually want to study, I like studying.
I'm going to possibly be joining a gym and starting spinning and badminton :)
My friend who I went swimming with said I was slimmer than the girl he normally goes with (The girl who I wanted to look slimmer for...remember? The one who gained like 30lbs)
So yeah
Can't write too much more, got to get ready for college.

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

So, I snacked quite a bit.

But, I did an hour of non stop swimming.
Swings and roundabouts.
And I might be joining a gym.
I'm excited :)

After lunch.

Lunch didn't taste good today, like, I didn't enjoy it. Which is good, I just ate it because it's all I'll eat for the rest of the day, not because I wanted it, and not as part of a binge. That's where I mostly falter, eating something because I want to binge, and because I spend all day thinking of courses I can binge on.
I hope I'm starting to disassociate food from pleasure.
And, I can't wait to go to uni, I think I'll live off of cereal, potato with tuna, and tins of spaghetti.
And some salad so I don't get scurvy.

This is what will happen today:

I appear to have bunked off Tuesday for the third week in a row.
I'm so fucked, so what I must do, is revise extra hard at home :)
Which I'm about to.
I am going to:
Put on one of my favourite Danish Dogma films.
Phone my friends to see if we can meet abit earlier.
Do Act One of my Hamlet annotations
Have some lunch (tuna jacketand salad, if we have all the ingredients)
Carry on with my annotations til I meet my friends.
Meet friends
Go swimming
Go home
Catch up on blogs
Go to bed.
Job done :)

Monday, 17 May 2010

Kicking off the day :)

With some cereal (200)
Got no money and no time for the rest of the day, so no idea what I'm going to eat.
I have no water bottle.
So I'm going to be real hungry and real thirsty :/
Oh well.
Going swimming later O.o

For dinner, you'll never guess.

My mum made pizza.
So I ate a slice, and 4 potato wedges, and some veg.
Tomorrow, I'm going to restart my plan for the last time!
If it fails, I'm just going to stay fat forever.
I'm going to start taking some veg to college, just like, a bit of cucumber or something, so I'm eating a bit more regularly.
Yeahh :)

Whoa, I totally just stopped a binge.

This is nice.
I just ate 2 slices of pizza. BAD! Like, 500cals at least.
But then, instead of eating the other 5 slices, I stopped and was like, no, you don't want to ruin this shit for yourself for some fucking shitty tasting pizza.
And it was going to be a full on binge otherwise, I'd planned all the things I could eat it my house.
That makes me kinda happy.
So now I'm having my cereal, and then later I'll have dinner, and the binge will be voided. Yeah, I fucked up, but not too bad.
So yeah

Trying to stave off a binge.

There's a half a 20 inch pizza in the kitchen.
It looks 2D, it's so flattened now it's cold.
It tasted SO SO good yesterday, as I recall.
But no, I need to have my cereal, and that's it.
I can't lose those 35lbs by holiday now,but I need to do my best and so can't afford another binge.
Then I need to do some work.
I'll feed the pizza to my brother when he comes home from school.

Sunday, 16 May 2010

Sheepish hello.

Today is a new, non alcohol related start.
I'm such an idiot. :/
I did so bad, and now I feel all bloated and horrible.
Yet still hungry.
So today:
Nothing til I get in from college at 2.15, then I'll have a bowl of cereal.
Then dinner with my family, and leave a bit.
I'm so not with it today.
Hopefully that means it'll be a good day.
I have a ton of work to be doing too.

Oh God.

I've eaten quarter a pizza and drank a bottle of wine.
Today is SUCH a fail :/
Tomorrow nothing til I get home from college, then half a bottle of wine, no, cereal I mean, no wine.
I'm sooo drunk, this isn't even making sense.
No wine til Thursday.
I love my new friends.
Can't even read straight to catch up with you guys.


had 400 cals
so far.
cereal 200cals
snacking at work 200cals
maybe a bit more but I've burned it off.
I really feel like binging, I'm trying not to...
My friend should be coming over soon so I can stave off, I don't want him walking in to a load of dirty plates and me looking fat and sad and bloated.
PLUS there's not too long til my holiday.
So I NEED to work harder.

So I've had

200cals of cereal
Now I got 200cals left today, so it'll most likely be 200cals of Quorn chicken dippers, which are about 30 each, so I can have 6 :)
Come on good day :D:D:D

Tomorrow I'm going to do half an hour of hula hooping on the WiiFit, because my hips are disproportionately elephantine :/
I might weigh myself, well, BMI myself tomorrow, I don't know...
It depends if I feel I've got rid of yesterday's burger meal...
We shall see.
Until then,

Saturday, 15 May 2010

Hundreth post. Sadly it is not a successful one.

So yesterday was good.
I had 200cals of cereal
Then one piece of bread (100)
Then 3 Quorn sausages (171)
Sooo...471 for the day, alright :)
Sadly, today began well (200cals for cereal)
Then we went out for dinner, my family picked me up from work to take me out :/
I had burger, chips and ice cream.
So around 1500 for the day.
And considering how busy we were at work, and how much i sweated, it wasnt a complete fail.
But not according to plan.
Tomorrow will be better.
Cereal (200)
Then something Quorny.
My family are away and I'm seeing a friend, who's also a vegetarian, so that'll be nice :)

Morning girls :)

Had 200 cals ish of cereal, because I didn't weigh it.
I got 500 cals for dinner.

Friday, 14 May 2010

New Plan in Progress.

Ok, so I'm going to do this plan over 5 weeks, as there are ten weeks and 5 days til my holiday, but the last 5 days will literally be like 300cal a day max sort of preparation thing.
Day One (today) - 600max
Day Two - 800max
Day Three - 400 max
Day Four - 500 max
Day Five - 600 max
Day Six - 450 max
Day Seven - 500 max
Day Eight - 650 max
Day Nine - 450 max
Day Ten - 700 max
Day Eleven - 300 max
Day Twelve - 400 max
Day Thirteen - 550 max
Day Fourteen - Fast?
Day Fifteen - 400 cals
Day Sixteen - 750 cals
Day Eighteen - 500 cals
Day Nineteen - 650 cals
Day Twenty - 550 cals
Day Twenty one - 350cals
Day Twenty two - 450 max
Day Twenty three - 500 max
Day Twenty four - 600 max
Day Twenty five - 700 max
Day Twenty six - 500 max
Day Twenty seven - 350 max
Day Twenty eight - 400 max
Day Twenty nine - 1000 max
Day Thirty - 500 max
Day Thirty one - fast
Day Thirty two - 550 max
Day Thirty three - 450 max
Day Thirty four - 400 max
Day Thirty five - 300 max.

Some rules:
2 litres of water must be drank in a day, AT LEAST.
Vegetabls don't count, but fruits do.
All calories cannot be consumed in one sitting, unless vegetables were eaten earlier (to stop me having one huge dinner and then being all fatty and bloated)
One alcohol abusive day per cycle.
30 minutes of exercise a day.
Extra cals to be burned off with cardio.

You know, the usual.
Probably more but it's getting 'ruley'.
So today, I've had about 200, so got 400 left for dinner. :)

So far this day...

7 chips at work.
Handful of cereal.
Sweet black coffee

Not too bad, just dinner to go :)
I think I'm going to stop this skinny girl thing though, because I'm meant to have 300cals tomorrow, but I have a 6 hour shift at work then a family dinner.
So I'ma stop, but think of something else, and do some fasts and stuff, because I feel I can.
But for tomorrow I'm going to say:

Cereal (178)
Dinner (max 500)
Try not to snack at work :)
I'm going to try and have something Quorny for dinner tomorrow, but there's no so much in my house, so I don't know what...dippers or something.
But that's more than 24 hours away, so nvm :)

I'm a bit tentative about this whole not following a plan thing.
Like I'm going to lose control.
Which I probably will
I might construct one myself...
With a bit higher cals because I suck?
And bigger gaps between daily cals, so instead of 350 then 400 the next day, like, 400 then 700 the next day.
I think with one day of 1000 and the rest 800 or below...
Apparently 1200 is the optimum intake for steady weight loss.
Oh well.


I feel SO unmotivated.
I can't be bothered, and I don't want to not eat, and I'm tired andI have to go to work, and I don't want to do anything.
But no, I have no choice but to do this.
I need to lose some weight, maybe no 35lbs now, but something significant!
So I'm going to do it.
No matter what I 'want', I'm GOING to lose this weight.
So, 400cals today, day one, saving my cals for dinner, which is probably a bad idea but I'm at work, so it should be ok.
Got a 1.5 mile walk to the train station and back, because I have no phone credit to ask for a lift :(
So yeah, I'll quickly catch up with you guys then get off to work.

Thursday, 13 May 2010

I hate myself.

I ate like 3000 cals today.
I just broke.
Really bad.
I'll probably eat more.
Tomorrow I'm going back to the beginning of the Skinny Girl thing, when I did that I felt structured and confident and strong, and I want to do that again :)

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Three minutes to post...

Had an AWFUL day yesterday, was bullied until eating til I was almost physically sick.
Today I'm taking a bag of crisps and a cereal bar out with me to college (which I haven't been to for two days :/) to eat on my 5 hour break, then nothing else but lots of water :))
Apart from that, there's nothing I can say in so little time.

Oh, my life is on a downward spiral.

I'm bunking off college for the second day in a row.
With the two subjects Im going to fail :/
Oh gosh.
I suck at life.
And I'm doing it so I can go out and eat.
Like yesterday.
But I PROMISE I'll come back tomorrow and work hard again.
I want to keep having the feelings like I did yesterday when I wore that dress... :)
Today I'm wearing an unattractive grey drapey dress and I look awful
So I'm not overly happy.
Never mind.

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Let's have a nice, rare happy post.

So, I was going to wear this size 12 (US8) dress from Primark (which runs small) anyway, I just looked HUGE in it.
So, looking through my wardrobe, I found a dress that when I had my old blog this time last year, I was freaking out over because it didn't do up and then when it did all these fat rolls were hanging over and stuff. I vividly remember being distraught. It became a motivation dress for the summer, but then I completely forgot about it. Today, I tried it on and it fits, well, actually, it's kind of baggy, which is should be because it's a 14. But anyway, it's strapless too, so it shows off my new collar bones nicely :)
So even though I'm wearing a size bigger dress, I look much slimmer, and I'm HAPPY :)
I really want to rub it in this stupid girl's face.
Even though I know she won't care.
Ah, even though the weather's so horrible out, I'm wearing a flowery dress, and have filled the room with flower scented deoderant so I smell of spring :)
The only downside is I'm going to have to wear a big jacket to not die of pneumonia :)

Monday, 10 May 2010

So I didn't fast.

I worked SO hard at work, so I definitely burned off the 400/500 cals I ate.
And it wasn't too stodgy, so I got a little bloating, but I just made myself a huge black coffee to drink before bed :)
Hopefully it will have all gone down tomorrow....
but yeah, so no more eating before this thing tomorrow, and I'm wearing a cute grunge spring dress.
It'll be ok :)
Fairly happy with today, just wish I had the commitment to fast...

Sunday, 9 May 2010

Ready for about 30 hours of fasting :)

Just ate like 250cals of cereals, now time to fastttt and eat minimally tomorrow.
To a) look good at my friend's birthday thing
and b) so the Chinese on Wednesday doesn't make me hate myself.

The cake helped btw, I did...yeah :/
But I think it was more the huge black decaf coffee I had.
So next time I'll just try that first :)
So I look all flabby.
Like literally, flab over tights flabby.
But it's ok.
I CAN do this fast.
Except I lost my water bottle...
So I'm going to have to tip a bottle of Oasis down the sink and use the 1.5litre one my mum has, luckily I don't need one til Wednesday because I can drink water at work and stuff :)
So yeah, don'tthink I'll get to post later, so peace :)

mehhhhhh, so tempted to binge.

I've had a bit of carbs too, probly actually topped out at about 700 or so, but spent 6 hours running round real busy at work, and 4 hours cleaning my room...
And this is TMI, for sure, I've had one BMI since last Saturday :/
And I want to binge to sort of, push it through.
I just want like, a chocolate pudding, or a doughnut, or something.
And I'm fasting tomorrow...
Except from cereal.
I just don't want to ruin a perfectly good week, but I do want some results :(
I feel no different.
But I do need to look good on Tuesday.
And eat like, nothing at this buffet thing.
Even if the girl I dislike doesn't care, I want her to be able to care.
But I don't want to look bloated.
I don't know if that means I shouldn't binge, or I should binge and push my digestive system through a bit?
I think I'll probably have this chocolate cake thing, it's like 500cals.
So even if I do 1250, I've burned those calories off throughout the day, I mean, I'm exhausted.
Then if I fast tomorrow...
I might make a coffee...
And have this cake, in the next break.
I know I'm going to feel horribly guilty
And I know I can avoid it, but I kinda rationally feel I need it.
I don't know.

Morning lovelies.

I just had cereal, like 250cals of it, I think I need some fibre...really... :/
I feel so like, and way TMI here, but like clogged up :/
I need to do like 8397420 sit ups or something? :/
So yeah
Then Quorn and veg later, I hope.
Then cereal tomorrow before collefe (178cals)
Just to see if I can.
Yeahhhh :)

Saturday, 8 May 2010

I think

I'm going to try and fast Monday...
I'll be out of the house from 7am til 11pm, so I can do it.
If I don't take any money.
I totally think it's possible.
I don't know why I've felt so positive and done quite well this last week.
It's been nice.
No huge binges. :)
Shall report back tomorrow :)

Today was different to how I'd expected...

My day began with the train breaking down a stop before my work stop, meaning I had to kick the day off with a 3 mile walk (about 300cals) to work. Followed by 6 hours standing up because I stayed late.
Then I ate:
Spaghetti (250)
Quorn Mince (200)
Galaxy chocolate yoghurt thing (209)
So I was over by 9cals.
Not too bad, and I burned it off anyways.
I feel real full though :(
I again didn't stop after I was full, but after I was finished eating.
I need to work on that.
Tomorrow I get 650 again.
So I can have breakfast (250)
And then I'ma have my Quorn escalope thing (195)
And veg for dinner (0)
So I'll be on 445, so the extra 200cals can go towards all the overeating tidbits all week :)
Think I've done alright, I'm not too disapproving.
Got no time to weigh myself for like another week though.
I'd better get some results, or I will just binge.
And I have to be REAL controlled this week, because I'm going out for dinner like 3 times :(
But yeah,
Lets do it!

Friday, 7 May 2010

Comparably good day.

So, I didn't even go Pizza Hut, I went to some cafe thing.
I had veggie burger, made of actual vegetables, and chips :/
Chips bad, next time I won't have chips.
And also, even though I was full, I kept eating, which was bad aswell.
Real bad.
I should have left some.
Next time I will.
I think.
Or at least have a salad or something.
Although it's cheese salad, I'll think of something.
I'm gonna say 600 for the whole thing, it would be around that :)
On the upside.
I went to my boyfriend's shed-gym, burned 300cals on the bike, then 100 on the rower, then another 100 on the bike, so I covered any extra calories I had outside of my 450 allowance.
Plus I did my half hour walk to the station, so that's another half hour of, albeit light, cardio.
So I'm happy with today.
Although I haven't drank a lot of water.
Also, I got to skip a day because I started on Tuesday, instead of a Monday, so tomorrow I'll skip to 650cals :)
And my exercise will have to be 5 hours running round work, I'm afraid :)
Time to catch up, and resist the ice cream I want to eat :/

Thursday, 6 May 2010

Long exercise, then binge, then binge.

So maybe it wasn't as bad as the title made out.
But it wasn't according to the plan.
Today I did my normal half hour walk. That was fine.
Then I walked for two hours along the seafront with my friend, finding some cool new places to go to.
We found an antiques market, a tattoo studio and a 50s diner we didn't even know existed!
And we fed pigeons.
Anyway, yeah, that burned about 600cals, right.
Then I had about 600cals of Subway. Wtf.
So that got sort of cancelled out.
Then I proper snacked at my friend's, no more than 1000, but I'd say more likely about 500-600.
But 1,000 maxmaxmax.
So not 400 like I should have.
But not terrible.
So tomorrow, like I keep saying, my meal is 718roughly, for a 500 limit, so I got to burn somehow 218, hopefully at Ben's, but who knows.
Anyway, I'm going to catch up with you guys now.
I feel ok, not guilty or anything, because I know I didn't go too wild, and I don't feel stuffed and sick, and bloated, and I've done a lot of brisk walking. So it's kinda ok.
But, I've got to go for a Chinese next Wednesday. Oh dear.
God help me.
But I got to go really good over the weekend, because Tuesday I'm seeing this girl who HATES me, at a mutual friend's 18th, and she's put on like 30lbs, and we're around the same size now, whereas there used to be about 50 or so lbs between us. :)
So I got to look better than her :D

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Well, that's a motivation killer.

Weighed myself this morning, after two days of this, I've had like 600cals over 2 days, and guess what. No change.
My weight has not gone up, and not gone down.
My BMI has gone down 0.04 :(
I feel really like, sick.
I know it takes a while to work though.
So I'm not giving in.
Although, I got 450cals today, and I'm using them to incessantly snack at about 6, nothing before or after then.
There's a 99.9% chance that'll result in a binge though.
Specially as there's probably going to be cashew nuts, which are like 450cals for a few handfuls and I could, and probably will, eat the whole bag.
I don't feel hungry, I just feel really apathetic.
Maybe this little binge tonight will kick start my metabolism.
Clearly my body is not happy about being starved :/
Stupid body.
Oh well.
But, I've got the be real careful because of the 718cals of pizza I've got tomorrow, so I'm going to have to really bust my ass at my boyfriend's 'gym' tomorrow to burn off the extra 218 of tomorrow's food so it doesn't turn into a string of fatty binges.
I feel like I got this under control.
I'm not so sure.
On the upside, I might be able to get two lots of my daily half hour walk in today.
Sounds like nothing, but it's better than no exercise.
Still can't believe about my stupid non-changing BMI :'(
Oh well.

how could I forget? Plan for tomorrow...

Nothinggggg until I go to my friend's in the evening, if I go, so I might get some snackage for there?
If not, we shall see...
But yeah.
Trying to resist a binge!
My head's like, oh, but you're 106 under your target today. Eat something!
And the rest of me's like, NO!
I hate my stupid mind sometimes, I really got to do some work.

For some reason

I really want to binge.
But I won't.
I can't.
Why has this weird craving only just struck me down as I'm eating for the first time all day?
I haven't even been hungry :/

happytimes :)

Despite only getting in about ten minutes exercise today (too busy :'()
Until 12 minutes into the future, I've eaten nothing but 2 bits of gum all day :)
Which is reassuring considering how apathetic I've felt all day.
I'm not even hungry now, but I'm having 2 Quorn burgers (97 each, so 194 altogether)
And some salad.
I wasn't going to eat, and effectively fast the whole day, but then I remembered I've got to not eat til dinner tomorrow, which means I'll probably binge if I don't eat now.
So 194 calories is fine, plus I had a tiny, and I mean tiny, coffee earlier, and the fact I didn't exercise would balance out to be an alright day.
Not a fail.
Andandand, two days without a binge.
And no wish to.
Though I know I'll want to tomorrow.
But, as if that ever happens, binge free two days! :D

already a bad start.

So, my dad's giving me a lift the 1 and a bit miles to the station :(
Which is my half hour exercise
And I have back to back classes and rehearsals with one 45 minute break, so I might go for a walk then...
Depends really on how much work I have to do.
And I'm really feeling unmotivated today.
Come onnn :)

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Last post todayyyy :)

I did ten more minutes on the Wii :/
Not good enough really.
But me and Ben had some pretty hardcore sex :/
So I feel confident in saying I burned off my extra 53calories.

Tomorrow is 300cals I think.
So I'ma try to fast until dinner, then eat 300cals at dinner, because I don't have any time to exercise really outside of my standard 30 mins :(

Here's a downside:
Friday I'm going to Pizza Hut with my friends.
I looked up the calories:
Friday is a 500cal day.
Potato wedges are 190 for a half portion, which is what we get because it's on some kind of special offer and we're poor students.
Anyway, the pizza is 176 per slice, and there are 4 slices. So if I eat only 3, and leave one and say I'm full, then that's 718 altogether.
But if that's all I eat in the day, which it will be, then it's kinda ok because I'm actually going to Ben's to workout Friday :)
So I'll do at least an hour and make sure I burn all those yucky calories :)

Hopefully this Skinny Girl Diet will be getting easier by then :)
Also, I've noticed I'm one day behind on this, according to where weekends are.
I don't know whether to skip a day, and do 500 Friday then straight to 650 Saturday, or leave it...
We shall see, I think...
I might try and hunt out some Diet Coke, because I'm really craving sugar.
I was going to do some work but Imight have to call it an early night so I don't binge :/

Repetitive posting is how you lose followers.

So for dinner I have
Fish (174)
2 potato waffles (208)
I might just eat the one waffle. We'll see.
So let's say I eat one waffle.
I'll have had.
Veg (o)
Tuna (100)
Cake (175)
Fish (174)
Waffle (104)
That's...mental maths time...
Minus 100 for the exercise/tuna burning offs...
So when I go to my boyfriend's I need to burn at least 53cals.
Should be easy enough :)
I'ma drink a lot of water too.
Already had 2 litres :)

I only had one waffle
So I got to burn 53 cals :)
But I'm not going out now so I'm going to have to bust out the Wii Fit again :)
So yeah, I'ma watch The City and then do 30mins of Wii again, because that was funnn :)
Maybe it won't be all aerobic though and I'll do like 45mins?
Je ne sais pas.

Just ate cake.

I ate half a piece of 350cal cake...so 175?
Luckily I smooshed up the other half, and was about to throw it out in the garden when my mum walked in so I quickly hid it on a shelf in the dining room.
Damn :/
So I guess I'll need to do a bit more on the Wii.
Just waiting for my mum to go out to pick my sister up then I'm gonna be onnnn it. :)
I am loving the WiiFit.
Just hating eating all this food.
At least it wasn't too bad and I feel guilty and won't eat anymore.
And tbh I don't think I'm going to reap my reward on Thursday, if I hit it.
But Iwill save the reward for another time :)

I'm going off to work out in my boyfriend's gym later.
I'm not normally allowed in there because he gets all self-conscious.
Well, it's not really a gym, it's a shed with an exercise bike and a rowing machine and weights.
Good enough,
I'm hoping to do about an hour in there, so I can burn off that horrible cake :'(
At least an hour, let's say.
Peace, again.

I may never eat bread again :)

This lettuce wrap thing is GORGEOUS.
I did aerobic stuff on the Wii for half an hour, so I figure that should have covered the 100cal of tuna I've had.
I mixed it with some sweetcorn, then ripped off a bunch of lettuce leaves and sat down and watched Bear Grylls and scooped tuna mix onto the lettuce, wrapped it up and ate it :)
And because there's so many leaves, it feels like you're eating LOADS.
And, since carbs are my main problem when it comes to bingeing, I'm happy to find this substitute.
Then I can definitely hang it out til dinner, obvs.
I'm wondering if I'd be better off eating breakfast though...
But then if I don't manage to burn it off, I'd be screwed :/
Oh well.
I feel nice and full.

On the downside, I gained a pound. Unsurprisingly after yesterdays HORRID ice cream binge.
Ergh, I don't even want to think about it.
But I'm back on track now.
Burning off extra food and whatnot :)
Be back later.

First day - 400cals.

I bunked off school today because I got a lot of coursework to do, and I'm actually doing it :D
Aside from that, I haven't eaten yet, but when I've done some work, I'm going to do like a half hour of Wii Fit aerobic stuff to earn myself a tuna salad :)
I think so :D
Like that lettuce wrap I was talking about.
So that'll be somewhere between 80 and 160 cals, depending on how much tuna I use.
I walked to and from the bus stop as per today, so my standard half hour of exercise is done :D
I'll return later.

Monday, 3 May 2010

400 cals today.

Just reminding myself, really :)
Drank a pint of water for breakfast, lovely :)

I stole this diet idea from someone else :)

The 'skinny girl' diet...frommmm...

This girl, whose blog I follow, who stole it from someone else...
That's the lovely kid I took it from.
I'm going to follow it, until my holiday, so I'll get through it nearly 3 times.
Every morning I'm going to write on my hands the amount of calories I can have, so I don't forget.
Chances are I'll bollocks it up.
Oh well :)
400cals tomorrow.

This doesn't include veg.
Also, just because I suck, reward foods (the ones I get as my BMI goes down a point) won't be included, though if I do get my Mac No Meat meal Thursday, which after the ice cream binge seems unlikely, I'll probly try to fast the rest of the day.

Totally just binged on ice cream :l

Probably over 800cals of it :/
So total for the day is about 1200/1300 :'''(
I hate myself.
I even knew I'd hate myself as I did it.
With no exercise except sex :/
Oh well, plan for tomorrow:
Nothing in the morning
Cucumber if I want it when I get in, as I won't have eaten all day.
That sounds so disgusting, but I'm so close, and then it's all down from there :)
I'm actually loving doing it by BMI :)

Weighed myself.

I've lost one pound, making me what...160?
Yes, 160lbs.
Hooray, nearly breaking into the 150s :)
And my BMI is 27.18, so down 0.11, in ten days, which is bad, but it's been ten real bingey days, so that's kinda good :)
And, and TMI again here, it's not after a BM or anything, so it's actual real weight loss :)
I'm going to readjust my goal, because I want a MacNoMeat meal Thursday, so if I put that as my 27 goal, I will work harder to reach it, righttttttttt?
I think so.
So, short-term goal, Thursday, have a BMI of less than 27 :)
SO do-able.
It's like 1.5lbs away.
I should be losing like 3lbs a week, so that's about right :)
I'm also having lunch, I think.
Think after I've finished playing the WiiFit with my brother I'm going to have a tuna jacket potato (300)
Then for dinner I will forego all the carbs, like rice or chips or whatever it might be.
So I have like, one balanced meal, but spread across the day :)

Why am I constantly tormented with food!?

Seriously, as soon as I think, I can totally fast til dinner (which isn't really fasting but for arguments sake I'll say fasting), my parents are like, let's all go to lunch!
Although now my brother's eating in, so maybe it'll be alright...
So I don't know :/
I want to be strongggggggg today.
Operation 35lbs!!!!!!!
I assume I'll be back very shortly.

Sunday, 2 May 2010

Plan for tomorrow.

Fast til dinner, basically.
I was just about to have a chocolate bar of 228cals, then my dad proper laid into me about it.
So I didn't
It's so bittersweet when people shout at you for eating... :/
It's right there staring at me.
I've decided not to eat it.
And I've done good today, it's silly to waste it.
I'm currently scouring lookbook for this thinspo/clothes I want to wear by the end of the summer.
And finding more blogs to follow.
And I'm gonna golook up distractions/ana quotes online.
ANYTHING to not eat chocolate.
I've drank SO much diet pepsi I have a headache. :'(

Plan for tomorrow:
Get up late.
Do a LOT of coursework.
Maybe text Ben and tell him I love him, or something less desperate...
Avoid lunch.
Tidy room if I finish coursework.
Then have dinner.
I don't know if it's good or bad to not eat til dinner, especially when we eat quite late dinners...
I might have like, an apple of something to keep up metabolism...
I don't knowwwww
We shall see.

I know I never post pictures...

Because I'm lazy, but I'm on my jiff tonight now Ben's pissed off, and I'm avoiding food.
Waiting for dinner, then eating dinner, then eating nothing else.
Anyway, I found this picture:
And even though you can't see much of her, she basically epitomises how I want to look.
Yep :)
I might even print this picutre and stick it somewhere, on the fridge of something.
(If you're this girl and you happen to see, this, I'm not being creepy, you're just really pretty)
I'ma do two posts later, one of 'holiday city tourist thinspo' Yup.
And one plan for tomorrow.
I love you guys.
I need to love right now, because I'm scared I'ma be single shortly.
Oh well.

I really got to do some coursework...

Just had a MASSIVE bust up with my boyfriend, so where I was supposed to be going out tomorrow, I'll be able to do some work. Hooray.
On the downside, I'm slowly snaffling my brother's huge tray of Maltesers. Well, I've actually had about 5.
So it's ok, since I've eaten NOTHING else today.
Not even feeling very hungry.
Ergh, I feel so sad though, I hate arguing with Ben, it actually makes me feel physically sick with worry. :/

Repetition, repitition, repitition.

Just like last time I lost loads of weight, by loads I mean 24lbs, on my old blog, I will now be posting ALL THE FREAKING TIME!
Sorry for clogging up your news feeds.
I'm already battling and I haven't even left for work yet.

Going without breakfast.

Going to really tank up on water...
And, might have a veggie sausage at work, which is 90cals.
Depends on if I can get away with sneakily eating it at work, and also if I want to...
So yeah.
See you guys laterssssss :)

Saturday, 1 May 2010


Thought I might add a thing to the side, where I do something about what I want to acheive in May...
I will cease posting for the day now :)
Loooooooooking forward to startng something good to-mo-rrow!

Few things not really worth mentioning but I will anyway...

1) Sorry I haven't commented on anyone's blog in ages. I'm a prick for it and I know, but, I tend to read blogs and forget to comment because I open every single blog that's been updated since I last logged in at th same time and just click through them all and I know that's not an excuse and I'll comment again next time, ok thanks.
2) I'm doing a photoshoot based on Lady Gaga's destruction for a friend. I know, right :/ I love her work, she's beautiful and brilliant (both Gaga and my photographer friend can take this compliment how they like), but as if Gaga would ever weigh like 165lbs or w.e. So, more reason to L-O-S-E.
3) This 'Operation 35lbs' is including NO alcohol so I can't get drunk and be stupid. Well, maybe some alcohol, because there's a lot of birthdays coming up. But alcohol days will be liquid only days. Which also means I'll need to drink less to get drunk. Nice.
I think that's mainly it for now.
I like listing things.
I may post all my posts in list format from now on...
We shall see...

Operation 35lbs is a-go!

So, as Imentioned before, I have 12.5 weeks (12 weeks and 3 days to be precise) to lose about 35lbs...more likely aabout 40 because of what I've eaten the last few days :'(
That's around 3lbs a weeks.
It's SO doable, considering I have lost up to 8lbs a week (though I know it super slows down the longer you diet for)
Day One tomorrow.
I've even given it a secret-agent stylee name.
Plan for tomorrow.
Breakfast if I'm hungry...cereal 178
Dinner without potatoes...400ish?

Friday, 30 April 2010

Goals and a positive attitude :)

So, I got a sec to post, so I've thought of some goals.
1) In 12.5 weeks I'm going on holiday, I'd like to weigh 9st, which is 126lbs. Which, should be alright, it's a VERY achievable goal :)
I don't know why I numbered it, that's the only goal...
I'm just trying to look forward to losing like, 35lbs :)
Or trying to :)
I got to TRY MY BEST
And stop giving up.
And do good.
And stop getting angry with myself if I do fuck up, because that's how things become self-destructive.
It's so much easier if you stay happy, and positive, and motivate yourself.
I think.
Let's go!
Peace :)

Back on Sunday.

Got a really hectic weekend ahead, so I'ma have to choose between posting or reading, and reading is significantly more helpful for me :)
So, see you guys Sunday.
Peace :)

Thursday, 29 April 2010

Think I'm fasting tomorrow.

Had an aplorable last few days, I've felt so down and just...shit...
I'm really trying to be perky.
And I think a fast tomorrow will do good.
But, the thing is, I'm going to have one bottle of alcopop :)
So, water and one alcopop fast :)
I hope.
Sorry to be a buzzkill.

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Total for the day/plan for tomorrow/surprisingly frustrated.

Today I had:
Cereal - 178
Sandwich - 297
Pasta - 200
Crisps - 95
Cereal bar - 160

Total: 930
I could have done much better, and I think that's why I feel so frustrated today :/
I just want to cry and eat, and feel guilty and hate myself and I don't know why :/
I just want this all to happen.
And it's really getting me down.
I need to do some work too, there's so much stress on this week for coursework.
And then it's shows and acting and shit
Then it's exams
Then worrying about results.
I don't know.
I'm really frightened about the future now...it's like I need to be a grown up and there's too much pressure.
And there's pressure to be thin.
And I need to sort it all out.
I just feel like I'm not being responsible enough and taking control and I need to.
People expect too much of me, including myself.
I need to impress myself, and I know I can.
It can't be too hard, right?
Maybe along with food plans I'll make work plans, and you guys can ignore that bit?
No, maybe not.
So, food plan.

I'm busy 9.10am til about 9pm so not eating shouldn't be too hard, although, again, there's loads of food around at writing class and rehearsals are in a coffee shop :/
Maybe I'll leave all my money at home.
Blahhhhh, I need a tough love speech, or a kick in the bum or something.
Think thin guys.

Alreet day today.

So I'm on 475cals...
178 cereal
297 tuna sandwich :/

Then I've got pasta for dinner, which I'll eat a minimum of, because I don't like pasta and I have weird stabbing stomach pains :/
I have so much work to do, so I'm going to do a quick catch up with you guys, then back to writing, sadly.

Monday, 26 April 2010

Three fail days in a row.

You do not even want to KNOW how many cals I've had today.
Like 2,300 ://
I ate this bag of nuts, before I got tattooed today, to keep sugar levels up or some shit.
Yeah, 1,400cals
I hate life, sometimes I truly do.

So, tomorrow.
Cereal, 178cals
Dinner, around 500.
Rinse and repeat for the whole week.

Oh, and you know what makes it worse?
I have to go Pizza Hut Saturday for my brother's birthday.

Sunday, 25 April 2010

Feck my life.

Had like 1500cals again today ://
But I did work, so I burned a lot of calories.
It's always the weekends I ate the most.
And it's always carbs.
I need to sort the carbs out.
I did recognise and stop the binging before it got ridiculous, which was lucky though.
Time for a catch up.

Saturday, 24 April 2010

Two things.

1) I'm starting to see those tiny changes you get in the first few weeks of dieting after not dieting for so long. Just tiny things, like somehing being slightly looser. It's lovely but is does fool you into thinking it's easier to diet, when in a few weeks it'll be all about the plateaus. I can't spell today. I feel like shit. I got knocked out yesterday and I feel like I'm probably having a brain haemorrage. Oh well. I told my mum 'at least you won't have to pay my uni fees'. She agreed. I love my mum :) She's probably the funniest person I know.
2) I've decided, since I'm doing this by BMI points, I'm going to reward myself every time I go down a point. That makes for few rewards, and since I'm a poor student, that's good. I think I went down like 1.17points this week. So yeah, it's doable, I guess :)

Really good day, then really fucking bad day.

So, yesterday, I went out, didn't eat the rest of my soup, finished on about 250cals for the day.
Today, it got to 5pm, I hadn't eaten for over 24 hours, (so I know I'll be able to do a teeney fast soon :D Anyway...) so I was HUNGRY, so then I binged out at work, and then had a McDonalds. Fuck sake.
I must have had like 1500 - 2000cals today :/
I worked a 9.5 hour shift, so I burnt some calories.
But still.
Feeling kinda positive now though.
About the future :)
Breakfast - Cereal (200ish, not sure what cereal I got...)
Dinner - might finish up my soup to avoid roast potatoes because I binged out on them at work today. So, 200ish too :)
Hopefully max 400-500 tomorrow.
Now to catch up with EVERYONE :)
Damn, keeping off blogger for 36hours seems longggggggg :(

Friday, 23 April 2010

Last post for today.

My bofriend's decided to go out with all his friends, so I'm going out with mine.
Everyone's getting wasted for St George's day.
I'm taking 0.75 litres of water, and 0.75 litres of diet energy drink.
Who said I don't know how to party.
Taking no money either so won't be able to eat :)
So my intake should be lower than 440, but idk what.
Can't be bothered to work it out right now, I'm about to go out and have fun :)
Love you guys.

Yes, I can and will post 3643879263497643907 times a day.

Half Ton Hospital is so sad.
But that aside, the soup was so good.
Aha, those two sentences are pretty ironic. Yeah, it'sbad to be fat; let's enjoy soup.
But seriously, I hardly ate any because it was so hot, so I ate my bread and I'm going to have the rest for dinner, I think :)
So hopefully my total for the day will be 440 or thereabouts.
I did like, 30mins of aerobic exercise today.
It felt like nothing, which I spose it was, but then my little brother and his friends came round, and I am NOT doing that in front of them, not for all the skinny in the world.
So I'm going to go food shopping with my mum, to keep myself away from snacking, and choose healthier food for dinners, and do some walking (and get a free coffee from my mumma) :)
I would fully imagine I will post again later.
Oh, and instead of annotating Hamlet, I seem to just be scouting out new blogs.

Lunchtime :)

I'm having bread with my soup. I don't know why. I feel like I need some fibre today :/
So, 440max for lunch, but there's noway I'll eat all this soup, I'll probly keep some and have it for dinner. :)
So, whilst eating this (it's microwaving, haha) I'm going to watch an episode of half ton hospital. I've started recording it for some horrible kind of reverse thinspo. Lovely :)


I'm feeling will be a good'un :D
I only just got up...it's nearly 1pm :/
I got on the WiiFit thing, my BMI is now 27.29, so it's gone down by like 0.44 or something like that.
And I've lost 3lbs, and that's with period weight :)
so I'm 163lbs now.
I'd like to be 159lbs by next Friday, I think it's a pretty realistic goal if I don't mess up too bad.
So although I've lost 8lbs so far, I'm not too excited because obviously weight comes off real quick at first.
But yeah, I'm feeling good.
I'm going to eat my soup kinda soon (240)
But first I'm going to do some WiiFit'ting.
It's so fun :/
And then after lunch I'm going to sit in the garden and play with my sister's rabbit and annotate my copy of Hamlet :)
Think thin.

Thursday, 22 April 2010

Plan for tomorrow.

Get up late.
Do coursework.
Eat soup for lunch (max 240...it's like .75L of this tomato soup. It looks super good.)
Then possibly some dinner.
Lots of water.
That's all for now.
I'm so tired. :/

Oh, and.

I was going to weigh in today.
I sneakily weighed myself on my friends bathroom scales, and I was the same as last time :'(
But, my period decided to happen today, so I guess I'll be heavier for the next few days, I'm always heavier throughout my period, I guess everyone is...
So if I'm good over the next few days, and I weigh in say...
Monday. Which I will, then I should be abit lighter.
Sorry about the TMI.
But I feel like shit :'(

So far.

Potato and tuna (300)
Then mumma's making some mince Quorn thing I got to eat, like 600 I think.
Hopefully nout else :)

Wednesday, 21 April 2010


I just feel fail-y.
I don't know why.
Everytime I eat I just feel like I didn't need to.
I don't knowwww...
I feel like a crazy :/
I just want this whole thing to happen.
I don't think I'll break.
I think this time is going to be the ONE time.
I'm kinda excited.
I just need to really really try.

Plan for tomorrow:
Apple (80)
Some dinner mince scone thing my mum's making, probly like 600 or something

Although, I had a really lovely conversation with my boyfriend today.
I don't meaningfully say it enough, but I really do love him.
It's going to suck moving away from him in September.

On the other hand, by September, I could be like 120lbs...
Let's hope.
Peace you guys.
I don't feel so frustrated anymore :)


Cereal - 178
2 Stuffed Peppers - 270
One Quorn chicken fillet - 185
Total: 563
Bit o mental maths there :)
My skin is so itchy today, it's so weird :/
Hopefully that will be all for today.

Tuesday, 20 April 2010


Today, I had 585 calories.
THEN 200 calories.
So, 785 cals altogether.
I shall proceed with the story.
By story, it's really an excuse
I had cereal (178)
Then I had a panini (407)
Then it was like, 3.30pm and I stopped.
Then I went to the cinema.
And my friend bought me a whole tub of sweets without me knowing. All to myself.
I ate some, then stopped.
I NEVER eat a few of something then stop.
It's always all or nothing.
But I did.
Weird :/
So I'm kinda happy about that. But not too happy about my intake. At all.
So I have resolved.
No more chocolate til holiday.
Though tbh I'll probably forget about this and eat some.
But I'll try and remember.
Plan for tomorrow...
Cereal, and dinner.
Busy from 10.45 til 6.30, although an hour of that is a rehearsal in a coffee shop :/
But yeah, I'll try.
I'ma catch up with all you guys then revise some hamlet for a test tomorrow.
Yup, priorities :/

Monday, 19 April 2010

Mini binge, and plan for tomorrow.

I had abit of a fuck up.
I ate an entire easter egg.
Like, 500 cals.
And even though I'd still be at like 1100, which for me isn't so bad, I'm still very unhappy.
But, onwards and upwards, I'm not THAT upset, I don't know why.
I feel disgustingly full for the first time in 3 days...
Why does feeling full always seem more appealing when you're hungry?
Idon't know.

Plan for tomorrow:
Cereal (178)
Some kind of Quorn, max 500
I'm going cinema so that should distract me abit :):)

Stay strong.
I'm going to be stronger now, je pense.

So, I did th Wii Fit.

BMI has gone, according to this, from 28.50 to 27.73.
I've lost 5lbs in 2 days, apparently.
Although, I got a killer stomach ache, like, real, real bad :/
I shall return with a plan for tomorrow. :)

So far, so good.

So far had 178 for breakfast.
Then 1.25L of water.
Nearlyfucked up, when my friend wanted to go get some food,but I was adament I had to catch my train. I was sososo hungry.
I hope I can keep up that kind of willpower.
The vowels on my keyboard sem to be breaking as I type, so sorry for any illiteracy.
Today is the third day, which means, nearly over th 3 day hump. Giving up or making any sacrificial changes to your lifestyle apparently get easier after the 3 day hump because that's when your body gets used to it, or something.
So, woohoo.
Got Quorn chicken stir fry for dinner. No idea how many calories, but it'll be less than 500, so I'll say 500 :)

Sunday, 18 April 2010

Plan for tomorrow...

Breakfast, cereal, 178.
Dinner, no idea, like, 500?
Got quite a busy day tomorrow, college then got to get the bus to the train station, then the train to work, then do some chemical training thing for an hour, then by the time I get home, dinner should be nearly ready, so it should be all good.
Also, today my carb intake was 6% of my RDA, which is well good. I always go overboard on carbs, so I'm happy :)
GOOD day tomorrow!

Stay strong.

I will NOT eat the brownie pudding my mum got.
Oh, for the positive...I WILL make myself a hot chocolate at 10 :)
Because it's only 35 calories.
Today I've had a total of 642cals according to Daily Plate.
So an improvement from yesterday, which is nice.
I had a banana for breakfast (60)
Then at work I had a Quorn sausage (48), but, when all the macaroni cheese and potatoes came out I busied myself cleaning and didn't eat ANY. No carb binge, woohoo :D
Then my mum came into work and bought me lunch, which I didn't want. So that was tuna salad which was (100) (Tuna salad is a huge overstatement, there's about one tuna flake on it :/)
And my boyfriend cooked me a roll, which I also didn't want, so that's (110)
Then for dinner I had Quorn (195), 3 tiny roast potatoes (70) and sweetcorn (60)
So yeah.
I'm actually having a tiny, and I mean real tiny, not even my kind of tiny, but MINISCULE piece of pudding, which is a bit of a fail, but the pressure's on and I'm scared of my mum getting stressed at me. So no hot chocolate, but a weeny bit of pudding, like (100). That's how small. 100 cals of brownie pudding. This betterbe some REAL good pudding.

Good morning girls.

Had a banana (70) for my breakfast.
Holding out til dinner.
Got a lot to keep me busy today, so I should be alrighttt :)
Think thin!

Saturday, 17 April 2010

741 cals for the day.

Not too shabby :)

I hate you, WiiFit,

I KNOW I'm 11 stone 7, Wii Fit, so don't even try telling me in 12, 3 :/
At least I have more to lose, now...
So it'll be easier.
My BMI is apparently 28.5 or something, and I have to lose 1 stone 3 for it to be 'healthy' :/
So, that's actually just 7 lbs.
Anyway, I'll play by your crappy rules, Wii Fit, and ignore numbers and do BMI.
Hopefully I'll see a big drop soon.

I'm having a cuppasoup for dinner, 35 cals, because my whole family are having pizza :/
Yay for very unfilling cuppasoup...

Plan for tomorrow...
Cereal, 178 cals.
Dinner, um, like 300 if I ask for no potatoes.
Thismay change, I shall report back.
Then it's back to college, oh Lord.

300 cals so far.

Tuna - 150
Potato - 150 :)
Not too bad.
I know I said soup, but, I thought, heavy carbs after like, 9 at night, no no.
So I switched carbs at dinner for carbs now, and I'll probably have soup later, if anything.
Or this tuna sandwich I have in the fridge.
Clearly today is a tuna day ://
So, between 350 - 650 for the day.
Not too bad.
Think thin!

Friday, 16 April 2010


I've spent the last few hours planning tomorrow.
I'm going to:
Go to work - don't eat before, and I finish at 2.
Buy a black coffee and wander round the shops for an hour or so after, look at all the size 6s and dream :)
Get train home, walk from the train station, distract myself from tediously long walk by texting anyone and everyone, just to make nice chitchat :D
Have a cuppasoup (35 I think)
About 15 mins after, have chewing gum or clean teeth.
Oh, buy some chewing gum at some point.
Do coursework all afternoon, or read blogs if I procrastinate, which I probably will.
Go on the Wii at some point between coursework.blogs, get BMI/SW/everything.
Have chips for tea, can't really get out of this one :/ (400 or so)
Have sex with the boyfriend (sorry to be blunt, but he had a little strop because we didn't do it tonight, so tomorrow it will go down...ah, punny.)

That reminds me, must have more sex = more burned off calories.
Looking forwarddddd to tomorrow :D

Quiz, I can't believe I've posted thrice in like, 10 minutes.

1. Favourite movie, and why?
Saved! I love it for the storyline and how my real life kind of parralled this at the time I got it, but now I think about it, Mandy Moore, Jena Malone and Eva...someone, are all SO SO SO beautiful, and of course tiny.
2. What do you do to avoid eating?
Nothing. I wish I could smoke but I can't afford it. I guess drink a lot of water. Seriosuly, I drink like 4 litres a day, but I still have awful skin.
3. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Niiiiiight :)
4. What is your favourite thing about yourself?
My dress sense. It ALWAYS gets commented on.
5. What is your favourite childhood memory?
I don't know...
Probably holidays or something like that.
6. What is something you are really proud of?
Um, I don't know. I need to do something to make myself proud. Like get a new job.
7. What is your dream career?
Director, or something in film.
8. If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?
Something really cool, like London, or Rouge.
9. What is your favourite food?
Chocolate. Rolls. Cheese.
10. How do you cope when you are upset?
Binge. Fml.

The fat angels are blessing me already.

With an idea:
Instead of weighing on scales, I'm going to do my BMI on the WiiFit, because, we all know it's a bit shit, so, any numbers will be kind of irrelevant, but I'll STILL know if I'm going up or down. See?
Huh, huh :D
I'm going to give myself some kind of reward for each 0.5 I go down.
There are 15 weeks til I go on holiday, and 3lbs each week would be a nice amount.
Even though I still won't be an ideal weight, I'll be a damn sight better than now.
Let's say I'm 161lbs now.
And I lose 40 lbs.
That's 121lbs.
So my BMI would be...
bang on 20, according to the NHS site.
I'd like it to eventually be about 17.
But for holiday 20 will be fine.

Right now it's 27.6 according to NHS but obvs this will be different on the Wii.
I don't know how easily it goes up or down, be fun to find out.
Not sure what the treats will be either, got no money...
Let's think it over.

Blahhh, I hate hiatus'

But I've had enough of not dieting.
So, new plan, because I've started to feel disgusted in myself again.
LOTS of cuppa soups (Ive bought 15)
Lots of salads.
Lots of water.
Might not weigh myself though, I might just use the WiiFit.
I shall return tomorrow with more things to say :)

Monday, 29 March 2010

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

So today, I decided to only eat fruit, veg and liquids til next Monday.
However, immediately fail when there are no fruits or vegetables in my house.
There's plenty of crisps, potatoes, bread, frozen food, chocolate, cookies, all of that.
Eventually I found a packet of 9 strawberries that run out today.
And then I found literally a tablespoon worth of peanutbutter in a jar.
So I've had 9 strawberries and a tablespoon of peanut butter all day.
Don't know what to do about dinner...I have 15 cuppasoups in the cupboard, so I might have that and some vegetables...

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

what's this?

I'm having a good day! :O
Don't all collapse, please.
178 for cereal
186 for quorn nuggets
150 for chips.
514 total :)
Eaten all my meals now - hope I don't screw up and binge later :'/
Off to catch up with you guys now :)

Monday, 22 March 2010

New reason to do it.

Fully do it.
No excuses now.
I need my boyfriend, or possibly ex-boyfriend soon, to find me attractive.
Today was just terrible.
He punched me and pinched me, and said some really terrible, hurtful things, then turned it all on me, telling me he wanted to dump me because I wasn't making an effort.
I don't know what to say or do anymore.
I want to feel good about myself.
And this is how.
So, tomorrow:
Cereal 178.
Dinner, max 500.
I NEED to do this.
For myself, the sake of my relationship, everything.
I just need some confidence.

I've lost a pound :l

In a week.
And I know I should be positive, I havem't gained, and it doesn't matter how long it takes, just that you're getting there.
But when you have a goal, it does matter.
I think it's because I've eaten a lot of fatty foods.
And I have had like, 3 or 4 less than good days.
So it's all on now.
I'm having a potato and tuna for lunch, no crisps, no anything else...maybe some salad.
Then dinner, and I'm not going to eat it all. That's the plan.

Sunday, 21 March 2010

Why does this always happen?

Actually ended today on like 9,00/1,000
It's like, it's not awful.
It's barely enough.
But it's not the best.
And I have to weigh in tomorrow.
How disgusting.
Might stay weighing in everyday, to keep myself motivated...

Little bit of Maths.

So, there are 4 months (and a week)
Til I go on holiday, which is when I want to be at my lowest, especially since I'm going to New York and the East Coast and there is no way I'm passing up American Starbucks/Subway/whatever else :)
4 months.
Say I'm 160 pounds, rounding down 2 pounds.
I want to be 110-120
So I have to lose a minimum of 40 pounds.
That 10 pounds a month.
That's 2 pounds a week!
That's SO doable.

I read that 10lbs is a dress size also...
Though I don't think it is.
But say it is...
I'm a size 12-14 (US8-10)
I want to be a size 6-8 (US2-4)
So that's 3 dress sizes.
That's 30lbs.
Somehow I don't think 130lbs matches that size, but whatever.
I'm feeling positive.

I also need to up my exercise...but how? :/

Today will be good.

I'm focusing.
Hunger will mean nothing to me.
Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it :)
Although, my tummy is all fat and bloaty from the last few days :'(
But oh well, ignore that too :D

Saturday, 20 March 2010

Nearly did it :)

Had 300cals of cheesey chips when I got in :'(
I made a HUGE bowl, but drank loads of water/diet lemonade, and luckily my Boyfriend ate most of them :)
So total of like, 600max.
And burned LOADS at work.
We worked out we burn around 1,500cals on a 9.5hour shift :) If not more.
I mean, 1/2 hour of walking burns 150cals, and we do that for the whole time.
But anyway.
Definite deficit.
I like it.
Plan for tomorrow:
Cereal (178)
LOTS of water
Dinner - turkey quorn thing (195) potatoes (250ish?...just like, 5 small roast potatoes...)
According to DailyPlate, four is 90cals...weird :/
So, 5 I'll say 150?
Just to be sure.
And some veg, like, 20cals worth.
Total max of:
523cals :)

Then Monday:
Nothing til after weigh-in.
Then salad.
Then dinner.

Repeat throughout week.
I'm feeling focused.
I felt focused today.
The only fault is to remember hunger makes weird excuses for you to eat, it justifies bad food, it lies to you.
Must remember to learn to ignore hunger.

Sill had 1,000 cals yesterday.

Starting to flounder again.
Picking it up today though:
Cereal: 178.5cals
Salad: 50ish
Cuppasoup: 37cals.
Total: 265.5
that's how it should be everyday.
just got to pull it off now.
i'd better do it.
no more fails.
got to focus.
that's my problem - not focusing.
so yeah

Thursday, 18 March 2010

For the sake of moving forward...

I'm listing what Ihave eaten today:
Tuna roll
2 KitKats
7 Bourbon biscuits
Bowl of ice cream

I still have to eat a wee bit of cottage pie, but aside from that, I'm fasting for 24hours, only water will pass my lips aside from this wee bit of cottage pie I have to eat or my mum will figure somethings up.
Til tomorrow dinner time.
Never fasted bbefore, and I know this doesn't really count.
But I feel so disgusting.

The last 24 hours,

have been a massive fail.
lots of bingeing. to the point I thought I was going to be sick.
Nevermind, I'm scratching all that out and going from the off now.
I can do this; it's when I stop thinking of ana mantras, or forgetting why I'm doing this that I fuck up.

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Made a massive booboo today.

Completely by accident, I went to lunch with this girl, and started to panic because there was nothing I could eat and this girl was like, 'let's get baguettes!', and I couldn't lie fast enough.
But then I saw this tuna wrap thing, so I bought it in a tizzy, and ate it.
Turns out, there's 402 calories in it :/
I would have fared better to buy a freaking sandwich!
There's 22 TWENTYTWO fucking grams of fat. What the hell!
Cereal: 228cals
Lard Wrap: 402cals
Soup for dinner: like, 160, but liquids at least.
So total of like: 790
Not great, but I did make a rookie mistake, eating without thinking.
Better luck tomorrow.
I'ma catch up with you guys now :)