Monday, 29 March 2010

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

So today, I decided to only eat fruit, veg and liquids til next Monday.
However, immediately fail when there are no fruits or vegetables in my house.
There's plenty of crisps, potatoes, bread, frozen food, chocolate, cookies, all of that.
Eventually I found a packet of 9 strawberries that run out today.
And then I found literally a tablespoon worth of peanutbutter in a jar.
So I've had 9 strawberries and a tablespoon of peanut butter all day.
Don't know what to do about dinner...I have 15 cuppasoups in the cupboard, so I might have that and some vegetables...

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

what's this?

I'm having a good day! :O
Don't all collapse, please.
178 for cereal
186 for quorn nuggets
150 for chips.
514 total :)
Eaten all my meals now - hope I don't screw up and binge later :'/
Off to catch up with you guys now :)

Monday, 22 March 2010

New reason to do it.

Fully do it.
No excuses now.
I need my boyfriend, or possibly ex-boyfriend soon, to find me attractive.
Today was just terrible.
He punched me and pinched me, and said some really terrible, hurtful things, then turned it all on me, telling me he wanted to dump me because I wasn't making an effort.
I don't know what to say or do anymore.
I want to feel good about myself.
And this is how.
So, tomorrow:
Cereal 178.
Dinner, max 500.
I NEED to do this.
For myself, the sake of my relationship, everything.
I just need some confidence.

I've lost a pound :l

In a week.
And I know I should be positive, I havem't gained, and it doesn't matter how long it takes, just that you're getting there.
But when you have a goal, it does matter.
I think it's because I've eaten a lot of fatty foods.
And I have had like, 3 or 4 less than good days.
So it's all on now.
I'm having a potato and tuna for lunch, no crisps, no anything else...maybe some salad.
Then dinner, and I'm not going to eat it all. That's the plan.

Sunday, 21 March 2010

Why does this always happen?

Actually ended today on like 9,00/1,000
It's like, it's not awful.
It's barely enough.
But it's not the best.
And I have to weigh in tomorrow.
How disgusting.
Might stay weighing in everyday, to keep myself motivated...

Little bit of Maths.

So, there are 4 months (and a week)
Til I go on holiday, which is when I want to be at my lowest, especially since I'm going to New York and the East Coast and there is no way I'm passing up American Starbucks/Subway/whatever else :)
4 months.
Say I'm 160 pounds, rounding down 2 pounds.
I want to be 110-120
So I have to lose a minimum of 40 pounds.
That 10 pounds a month.
That's 2 pounds a week!
That's SO doable.

I read that 10lbs is a dress size also...
Though I don't think it is.
But say it is...
I'm a size 12-14 (US8-10)
I want to be a size 6-8 (US2-4)
So that's 3 dress sizes.
That's 30lbs.
Somehow I don't think 130lbs matches that size, but whatever.
I'm feeling positive.

I also need to up my exercise...but how? :/

Today will be good.

I'm focusing.
Hunger will mean nothing to me.
Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it :)
Although, my tummy is all fat and bloaty from the last few days :'(
But oh well, ignore that too :D

Saturday, 20 March 2010

Nearly did it :)

Had 300cals of cheesey chips when I got in :'(
I made a HUGE bowl, but drank loads of water/diet lemonade, and luckily my Boyfriend ate most of them :)
So total of like, 600max.
And burned LOADS at work.
We worked out we burn around 1,500cals on a 9.5hour shift :) If not more.
I mean, 1/2 hour of walking burns 150cals, and we do that for the whole time.
But anyway.
Definite deficit.
I like it.
Plan for tomorrow:
Cereal (178)
LOTS of water
Dinner - turkey quorn thing (195) potatoes (250ish?...just like, 5 small roast potatoes...)
According to DailyPlate, four is 90cals...weird :/
So, 5 I'll say 150?
Just to be sure.
And some veg, like, 20cals worth.
Total max of:
523cals :)

Then Monday:
Nothing til after weigh-in.
Then salad.
Then dinner.

Repeat throughout week.
I'm feeling focused.
I felt focused today.
The only fault is to remember hunger makes weird excuses for you to eat, it justifies bad food, it lies to you.
Must remember to learn to ignore hunger.

Sill had 1,000 cals yesterday.

Starting to flounder again.
Picking it up today though:
Cereal: 178.5cals
Salad: 50ish
Cuppasoup: 37cals.
Total: 265.5
that's how it should be everyday.
just got to pull it off now.
i'd better do it.
no more fails.
got to focus.
that's my problem - not focusing.
so yeah

Thursday, 18 March 2010

For the sake of moving forward...

I'm listing what Ihave eaten today:
Tuna roll
2 KitKats
7 Bourbon biscuits
Bowl of ice cream

I still have to eat a wee bit of cottage pie, but aside from that, I'm fasting for 24hours, only water will pass my lips aside from this wee bit of cottage pie I have to eat or my mum will figure somethings up.
Til tomorrow dinner time.
Never fasted bbefore, and I know this doesn't really count.
But I feel so disgusting.

The last 24 hours,

have been a massive fail.
lots of bingeing. to the point I thought I was going to be sick.
Nevermind, I'm scratching all that out and going from the off now.
I can do this; it's when I stop thinking of ana mantras, or forgetting why I'm doing this that I fuck up.

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Made a massive booboo today.

Completely by accident, I went to lunch with this girl, and started to panic because there was nothing I could eat and this girl was like, 'let's get baguettes!', and I couldn't lie fast enough.
But then I saw this tuna wrap thing, so I bought it in a tizzy, and ate it.
Turns out, there's 402 calories in it :/
I would have fared better to buy a freaking sandwich!
There's 22 TWENTYTWO fucking grams of fat. What the hell!
Cereal: 228cals
Lard Wrap: 402cals
Soup for dinner: like, 160, but liquids at least.
So total of like: 790
Not great, but I did make a rookie mistake, eating without thinking.
Better luck tomorrow.
I'ma catch up with you guys now :)

Monday, 15 March 2010


Venti Caramal Macchiato: 300cals
Salad: 58cals
Noodle and Quorn Chicken Stir Fry: 492cals.
Total: 850.
Kinda disgusting, not so bad :)
Can do better.
Had a row tonight with my boyfriend; we're probably breaking up in September, so I need to show him what he's going to miss...
I love him so much, it's going to be so hard to let him go, but neither of us are very happy, it's just easier for us to break up in September.
I just want compliments, is all, and he admittedly never gives them.
It hurts.
He calls me fat. It's not his fault I'm doing this, I'm just saying.
This time round, WILL be positive and not crazy and depressive, but any reason is a good enough reason for me.
I'm going to add a list of reasons in the sidebar, I think.

Oh, and plan tomorrow:
Breakfast: 228cals of cereal.
LOTS of water.
Then, nothing in the day because I might be getting dinner with my boyfriend. God help me.
So yeah, leave a bit of space for that :)


Weighed myself...

I was 162lbs. Which, yes, is disgusting and about 60lbs from where I'd like to be...
The scales came up as 159 first, so I weighed a few more times until I got the same result 3 times in a row.
For anyone who followed my old blog, at my lightest, when I was doing best, I was 157, then I gave up.
So I've put on 5lbs in 6 months. That sounded ok til I literally just realised that's nearly half a fucking stone. Ew.
Today I've had a venti macchiato from Starbucks (I'll continue to have this once a week - sorry, bbut hey.) And I'm going to have salad (75ish) for lunch in abit, then stir fry for dinner.
So, DailyPlate said 1,218cals a day will burn me 3lbs a week...
So there are 18 weeks and 2 days til I go on holiday...I'd like to be about 110lbsish...120 max.
Obviously I'll have to up the ante as I go on, but for now, max 900 a day, less if possible I think.
My first short term goal is going to be to be 153 or less by Easter Monday, which is 3 weeks away exactly. Both that Monday and the Monday after are going to be big binge days with my friend, but the rest of both of those weeks' will be serious restricting.
I'll report back later with cals and shit.

Sunday, 14 March 2010

positive vibes, positive vibes, positive vibes.

I did good today. Resisted most temptation - my boyfriend bought me a hash brown (130) this morning, so I ate that.
Then I got home at about 5, and ate about 50cals of a cookie my brother had left out.
Then for dinner I had:
Quorn fillet thing (195)
4 small small small Steamed potatoes (DailyPlate reckons 29.25, so 30) :)
Half a sweetcorn cob (60.5, so, 60)

So a total of...465cals.
I felt like I was having a really good day today.
Ran around a lot at work - I LOVE my job.

I just re-found my DailyPlate account. Woohoo!
I put in I wanted to lose 4 pounds a week, but they reckon that's 'dangerous'. Boo you DailyPlate.
But 3 pounds a week requires 1,218cals. So I need to eat like, abit less than that. And do more exercise than I put in there.

Weighing in tomorrow. Shitting myself. Unfortunately, not literally. That might help the numbers abit. Sorry :)
I'll have one glass of water in the morning before college, because it'll have 'passed' before I weigh myself.
Anyway, nothing tomorrow until I've weighed in (bout 2.15) then I'm making myself a salad (Like 100?)
Might have soup for dinner, might have real dinner, I'm not sure...
We shall see, and I shall report back.

Friday, 12 March 2010


Ended today on about 1,050cals.
What the fuck.
Why do I keep on caving in?
For fuck's sake.
I ended up eating cake at home, and then like, 200cals of chips at work.
Stupid body.
It went well for the first 2 hours; every time I thought of food, I drank a mug of water, but then I caved.
I learned I need to eat regularly or I will binge.
So, plan for tomorrow:
Nequik: 228cals.
Salad at lunch: 75ish
Soup at dinner: 200.
Total of like, 503 haha
And drink a LOT of water through the day. It'll be hard because work is busy, but I'll try...

Plan for todayyyy

Have lunch.
There are NO potatoes, NO tuna, wtf mum.
It's shopping day, so there's like, nothing.
I'm going to have a cheese toastie for lunch (please don't stop talking to me you guys!) (500ish)
Then work, where I'll burn off a loadddd, and then I'll have some soup when I come in; (200ish)
And the walk to the train station burns like 300cals :)
So a good day, I should hope.
Just won't snack on any shit at work...
I hope.
So yes, let's have a good day you guyssss

Thursday, 11 March 2010

If it was easy, everyone would do it.

Walked round clothes shops with my friends today, neither of them wanted to go; but I looked in every single shop and decided what to buy when I'm thinner. :)
I resisted buying a Subway sandwich.
I did cave when offered Mini Hobnobs, sorry.
Nesquik (250)
Crisps (93)
Hobnobs (121)

Dinner will be like 400/500 because it's a massive fucking lasagne.
But I'm only having one piece. I'm going to.
I'm going to try.
Drink a lot of water, I guess; only had like, 1.65L so far today :/
Got a singing lesson 7-8 so I'll take another 0.75L there, drink it all.
And drink 0.45L at dinner.
I'm loving drinking all this water.
Need to remember to drink loads at work too though, because it gets busy and we don't get to drink anything. :/
Going to catch up on you guys now

Wednesday, 10 March 2010


I just ate 93 cals of Wotsits.
I drank an extra litre of water though.
And I don't think my dinner was as much as I'd estimated.
So I'd day around 1,000 for the day.
Looks horrible written down.
I just wish I wouldn't cave.
Oh well, much better than the last few months.
I just can't feel full, I don't know why; I'm always hungry.
I've drank 4 litres of water today and I'm still hungry.
What the hell.
Come on body, we need to be trained again, don't we?
Tomorrow will be better.

I'm so tired.

But, by the end of the day, I will have drunk at least 3 litres of water.
I found out the glasses in our house are!
So I had 450 ml atbreakfast, then a 750ml at lunch, then 2 450ml just now, one 450ml at dinner, and one tonight so I don't snack.
3L exactly, right?
Lastnight I had 4 biscuits, but I drank a glass of water in between each one, and biscuit guilt aside, the water (yes, I feel horribly bloated) but I woke up today with skin so soft and dewy, it was crazy.

Ate today:
Nesquik (300)
Cornflake thing (BADBADBAD 288) - completely caved for this shit. FAIL.
Then dinner will be:
Salmon (231)
Potatoes (like, 200?)
And some kind of very low cal veg, my mother is cooking it.
So like, 919ish? Plus veg.
Not too shabby, bitch.
Plus burned 300ish walking.
Well, for kicking this thing off, anyway.
Decided, going to weigh myself next Monday when I get in from college, and next Wednesday morning before college, to start. Haven't weighed in a LONG time.

And, make a plan for the next few days:

Breakfast, Nesquik (300)
Crisps at lunch (131)
Dinner ,like, 500? We shall see.
So hopefully max of 900/950ish?
It's lasagne for dinner, but low-cal, and I'm only having ONE bit.
That will be a massive downer, but, I'd ratherbe skinny that eat my mum's delicious lasagne. Sorry Mum.

Get up late! No collge, working 3.30 - 7.30.
So jacket potato for no tuna though...beans I spose, like, (300)
Then, maybe something when I get in? Idk.
Max 500cals though. Not cheesey chips like the last time I did late nights at work...i.e. last week. Damn.

Working 1.30 til 6.30, but I'm going to try to get an earlier start, so I work more and burn more cals.
I will revise a plan around this, involving making a sandwich? or something... Might make some mince...
Dinner time. So hungry.
Might post again later, will definitely catch up with ytour guys posts.
So excited to be back.
I genuinely wanted to leave, but I'm all good feelings now. Sweet.

Tuesday, 9 March 2010


Today, I accidentally logged onto this email blog account rather than my other one, and I saw that I can still see all of the blogs I followed before, without having the actual blog. Well played Ana, well played.
I've put basically all of my weight back on.
Haven't weighed myself in about 6 months.
I'm so sorry.
I love my boyfriend, but I loved losing weight.
I feel sick doing this post.
I'm not letting it get out of control like before.
Today I've has a cheese roll (200 for cheese, 150 for roll)
And Wotsits (95)
That's a total of 445 cals, plus probly 500 for dinner? We'll see...
I missed this so much.